tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-187020532012-01-28T02:15:11.546-06:00About the malignant narcissism of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Explains why narcissists behave the way they do - viewing others as prey to treat like dirt or tear down in order to prop up their delusions of superiority. Share your insights and everyday examples of narcissistic behavior.Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.comBlogger3381100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-61738663318490369132008-04-15T09:29:00.005-06:002008-04-15T09:55:23.294-06:00

I'm sure most of you know this, but for those new to the subject, here is some practical advice.For people as self-absorbed and seemingly uninterested in you as malignant narcissists are, they are very snoopy. They go through your drawers and papers. They are looking for dirt, and they are trying to find out if you're on to them. Hence, like all abusers, they often spy on and stalk their

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-3529908490182906562008-04-14T09:54:00.005-06:002008-04-14T10:36:00.962-06:00

One of the most glaring outward signs of malignant narcissism is the way narcissists malign others. They are constantly improving their own image at someone else's expense.Another very red flag is perverted reactions to things. This red flag can't be missed, because it's downright shocking. But you witness it infrequently, and it's so perplexing that people unfailingly disbelieve their very eyes

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-79366613741047378402008-04-11T10:23:00.006-06:002008-04-11T13:54:55.018-06:00

The first thing the victims of narcissists need to know is that they are not to blame. Not one bit.In other words, he didn't get mad because dinner was was late. She didn't blow up because you are "too this" or "too that." You didn't "ask for it" by speaking up and saying that you deserved some attention and respect.The narcissist attacked you just because you are there, period. Don't you have a

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-51815880630485657862008-04-10T12:40:00.005-06:002008-04-10T13:03:46.650-06:00

To create the work of art that is their grandiose false image, narcissists often cheat. That is, they don't make themselves seem great when they can get away with just making themselves look better than others the easy way = by comparison = by making others look bad.This is why every malignant narcissist is also a character assassin. His or her line is "I'm good because So-and-So is bad." (Sound

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-46935982724797853982008-04-04T22:30:00.000-06:002008-04-04T22:52:58.578-06:00

Continuing with this discussion about whether narcissists are happy and when their happiness leaves them.For example, I know a narcissist who turned viciously on her sister and parents within weeks of moving away to college. She tried to get herself adopted by the wealthy people who owned a college bar and restaurant she worked at. She told the cadre of students who belonged to that place

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-71110201140698400342008-04-03T09:09:00.003-06:002008-04-03T11:08:28.706-06:00

The discussion at the post Cruel and Unusual Punishment took an ironic turn that you might like to check out.To briefly summarize:The post pointed out how narcissists suffer when they are alone. This happens when their sources of narcissistic supply dry up and they can't find another host. No mirrors, no mirage of a false self to identify with . . . they cannot keep unwanted knowledge and

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-89956264155484222612008-04-02T14:43:00.003-06:002008-04-02T14:53:53.771-06:00

We are experiencing spring floods, which raise the high water table (because they have filled in too much marshland for parks) and apparantly cause problems with the phone lines. Even voice communications are scratchy at times. Connection to the Internet is unreliable. And, for much of the day, I am stuck on a dial-up connection.So, please understand if your comments are not moderated quickly and

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-44687560241455702842008-03-31T14:08:00.002-06:002008-03-31T14:15:54.983-06:00

A narcissist I knew found herself taking a Basic Studies course, Speech 101, during her sixth year of college (when her mother finally forced her to graduate).She told me that the other students (freshmen and sophomores) were naive. That they took things for granted and — well, it sounded like she was saying they thought life a piece of cake. Kinda like the American Dream: if you do your best, do

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-20556626501581320102008-03-27T10:26:00.006-06:002008-03-27T11:35:21.715-06:00

Let's take a look at this line that narcissists aren't really bad, that they lash out at you because they feel "threatened."This idea begs the question "Threatened in what way?" and "Threatened by what?"If you're the victim of a narcissist, you know that this "threatened" excuse is a farce, because the narcissist attacks precisely when you are anti-threatening him or her. Like when you are trying

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-22019459439039331212008-03-25T07:26:00.002-06:002008-03-25T07:42:04.890-06:00

Sometimes I think that the worst torture one could devise for these freaks would be to lock them in a room all alone for about three days. After about an hour, they would probably have their socks on their hands like puppets, just to have someone to lie to.Anonymous @ 6:44Technorati Tags:narcissistic personality disorder narcissism

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-4316254138700629932008-03-22T10:10:00.009-06:002008-03-22T14:10:37.347-06:00

Narcissistic personality disorder is aptly characterized as a "disorder of the self." That's because the narcissist can't stand his or her self. But instead of reforming the true self, narcissists cheat. They just project a false image of their self.And the first person they tell this lie to is themselves. It's just a stupid mental game (of self-delusion) that anyone could play. They believe the

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-89866006259348239512008-03-19T10:12:00.006-06:002008-03-22T05:06:10.722-06:00

When confronted with the facts about the mental healthcare industry, many people are justifiably skeptical, asking, "Now why would they do that?"That's a fair question, because the answer isn't obvious. This post will explain what is going on.Let's say that you are a psychiatrist, psychologist, or other clinical therapist. While you're hanging out your shingle, you're thinking, "I wonder how many

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-37106595154198357202008-03-18T14:39:00.010-06:002008-03-18T19:38:31.205-06:00

In a psychological experiment, you can take a bunch of lab rats, put them in a cage, and equip it with a button that delivers a treat when they push it.You know what happens: soon those rats will learn to push it like crazy.Then alter the button so it sometimes delivers a painful electric shock instead of a treat. Those rats still keep pushing it. Then alter the button some more, so that it often

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-91185056717215567412008-03-16T13:44:00.011-06:002008-03-16T23:45:57.926-06:00

It seems to me that the adult children of narcissists who learn of NPD and then go through the natural process of dealing with this stunning revelation fare better than those who get involved in codependency therapy.You are at first enormously relieved, because your instincts were right and the brainwashing was wrong: it wasn't your fault, and you weren't the defective one. But then come the

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-43062626076215551682008-03-15T08:47:00.013-06:002008-03-15T22:00:49.267-06:00

Remember when you were a child and you used to say that "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"?Even little children instinctively know enough to hide their pain when someone has hurt their feelings. This instinct is good, even when the enemy isn't really an enemy - just a friendly opponent in a tennis match. Don't let the emotional effect on you of bad things show.

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-15989885974724144722008-03-14T12:53:00.006-06:002008-03-15T11:42:07.934-06:00

This deserves another Banality of Sounding Smart Award.First, the facts: The Guardian, Wednesday March 21 2007: A "sadistic" foster mother was found guilty yesterday of subjecting three children in her care to a horrifying catalogue of physical and mental abuse over 20 years.Eunice Spry, 62, beat the children with sticks and metal bars, scrubbed their skin with sandpaper and forced them to eat

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-3507129304277547432008-03-14T11:28:00.005-06:002008-03-15T11:42:07.935-06:00

A additional note on the previous post.Do check out the links at the end. One thing they show is that codependence theory started out sensibly as the realization among the family members of alcoholics that their behavior "enabled" the alcoholic.We all likewise see how our behavior enabled our abusers until we caught on.The problem with this idea came with pseudoscience. You get a bunch of

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-61168551181923748252008-03-14T00:04:00.003-06:002008-03-15T11:46:32.912-06:00

The preachers of codependence say that you are to blame for how the narcissist's abuse makes you feel. They say that no one can make you feel anything. That if you feel bad about abuse, it's your fault. Specifically, you lack self-esteem. Shame on you. That makes you a victim. And it's bad to be a victim.If that isn't blaming the victim, I don't know what is. I ran across this example on the web:

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-54394025116324379642008-03-13T12:08:00.005-06:002008-03-13T12:39:30.707-06:00

As I mentioned before, I am the child of a malignant narcissist. Now, can I have a sister of nearly the same age who is a malignant narcissist? Of course. But how could that ever happen if conventional wisdom is correct?Indeed, if having a parent with NPD causes NPD, how can there be so many normal children of narcissists?I think it's about time us normal children of narcissists demand our due. I

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-69142054825013571742008-03-13T04:20:00.004-06:002008-03-15T12:34:29.312-06:00

Anna Valerious at Narcissists Suck in Angry with a Narcissist? Read On..." You don't have read much of Sam Vaknin's fanciful ideas of what creates a narcissist to see how he relieves himself of responsibility for what he is by his explanations. Mother, society, genetics, abuse, neglect. Never is Sam Vaknin ultimately to blame for choosing to be a parasitic life form. Because he feels he can

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-38715181169007982442008-03-11T13:37:00.004-06:002008-03-11T13:56:54.907-06:00

One simple but easy-to-forget thing about narcissists is that, unlike normal people, they don't mind conflict. They enjoy it. Conflict makes normal people uncomfortable. We try to minimize it in our dealings with others. Oddly, we love it in fiction (Conflict is the gunpowder of fiction, and it's near relative - controversy - is the gunpowder of journalism. Maintaining constant conflict is the

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-14440498103664524862008-03-09T09:07:00.008-06:002008-03-09T21:25:21.640-06:00

There's much ink wasted on the subject of whether narcissists are evil.Well, yes, obviously they are. But they don't fit our traditional concept of the evil.In our traditional concept, the evil one is evil because he loves evil and wants to be evil. He does evil for its own sake, just to do evil.Narcissists aren't like that. They do evil for the same reason an alcoholic takes a drink - because it

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-2692966871080909052008-03-08T12:00:00.002-06:002008-03-08T20:05:58.163-06:00

It harms the victims to tell them that narcissists are victims "suffering" from the disease, that they don't mean to hurt people, that they feel bad about it, that they are just touchy and lash out only when they feel "threatened" by you ... that it would be mean to abandon or shun them, that they aren't responsible for what they do, that it's genetic, that it's abnormal brain chemistry, that

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-28141873398278006642008-03-08T08:52:00.003-06:002008-03-08T09:02:44.198-06:00

A political psychologist, Maria Hsia Chang, has looked into NPD and done a study on a Harry Potter character, Voldemort. You can see it on this website for fans and writers of fantasy fiction.A Study in Evil: Voldemort, the Malignant NarcissistTechnorati Tags:narcissistic personality disorder narcissism

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-70122219597332137712008-03-06T14:03:00.004-06:002008-03-07T09:06:57.505-06:00

Audaceous hope via The Onion:"Many individuals today lack the deep, abiding affection for drug makers that is found in healthy people, such as myself," Pfizer CEO Hank McKinnell said. "These tragic disorders are reaching epidemic levels, and as a company dedicated to promoting the health, well-being, and long life of our company's public image, it was imperative that we did something to combat

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-64980699886896911772008-03-06T07:01:00.005-06:002008-03-06T07:25:29.637-06:00

I'm not familiar with what's typical in divorce proceedings, so I have a question that some of you may be able to fill us in on.I have noticed that "mental cruelty" seems to be used as a justification for divorce a lot. Frankly, the idea strikes me as though it may be overused and that overuse cheapens, trivializes mental cruelty in cases where it really does occur.Kinda like "pain and suffering"

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-9791117085325179742008-03-04T10:22:00.009-06:002008-03-04T15:13:08.711-06:00

The first Banality of Sounding Smart Award goes to...the church with this slogan on its marquee:GET REVENGEFORGIVE AND FORGETHat TipYou get all these ass-backwards platitudes that fly in the face of reality the same way: just call the thing whatever it most ain't. Sounds so cool. So intellectual. As in making this horrifying act of destruction out to be a "beautiful creation." See it at The

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-75913172931183260192008-03-03T02:19:00.002-06:002008-03-03T02:24:16.478-06:00

Burning the midnight oil...Quite a few posts lately because I'm taking the week off now. Maybe a brief post if I run across anything on the Web or a brief comment now and then. But really all I plan to do is keep up with moderating your comments.

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-72632474643034497562008-03-03T01:57:00.014-06:002008-03-15T11:46:32.913-06:00

I have a question for anyone out there who can answer it. I would like to know why therapists - yes, therapists, not just preachers - think that a victimized person must forgive in order to heal.To keep things from getting all fogged up, we must be clear on what we mean by forgiveness.The word has a definite meaning: it is forgiving a portion of the debt incurred by the offender as your ante in a

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-28372517208471280522008-03-02T15:54:00.013-06:002008-03-02T20:02:08.987-06:00

Guess what? I don't believe what I said in that last post. I think NPD is a mental illness. (In this case at least, I see no real difference between it and what religion would call spiritual illness.)But, unfortunately, see what the DSM's own definition of mental illness and personality disorder forces logic to conclude: that NPD is not mental illness. The DSM's own rules specifically disallow

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-88538849382084065952008-03-02T14:05:00.006-06:002008-03-02T17:32:00.680-06:00

Ooh, something that looks like a legitimate scienfitic basis for asserting something about narcissistic personality disorder.Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Relations with distress and functional impairmentby Joshua D. Miller, Ph.D. and W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D., University of Georgia and Paul A. Pilkonis, Ph.D., Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic University of Pittsburgh Medical

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-63955828881520347542008-02-29T15:38:00.002-06:002008-02-29T15:43:24.619-06:00

I promised a survey of reasons and sources for skepticism about official doctrine on NPD. It is online now at The Credibility of What You Hear about NPD.Technorati Tags:narcissistic personality disorder narcissism

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-26714452006404442002008-02-29T00:41:00.004-06:002008-02-29T01:36:31.560-06:00

I finally found something I've been looking for for a long time - a university teaching video I once stumbled upon that is supposed to show students how to recognize a patient with Narcissististic Personality Disorder.You'll find it near the bottom of this page. Click the "Narcissistic Personality Disorder 5 min" link near the bottom under the videos produced by Dr. Donald Fidler at West Virginia

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-67505743379753874662008-02-26T10:54:00.009-06:002008-03-01T08:27:03.438-06:00

One reason why comments have been moderated so quickly lately is that I have been online a lot, reading up on the literature to improve the part of Website on the research about NPD with more quotes and sources. You can already see some of these additional quotes and sources online in the Chapter on "What Is NPD?" under "Classification & Diagnosis," Characteristics of NPD," "prevalence of NPD,"

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-4204367733978753782008-02-25T08:05:00.007-06:002008-02-25T08:56:39.712-06:00

UPDATE: To answer questions that natually arise from my last post.By the way, no two brains are the same. Each has developed somewhat differently. I have a different set of experiences stored in memory (by residual transmitter substance in the gaps between brain cells) than you. I think differently than you. So if you look close enough, you will detect slight differences in how our brains have

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-12963918839632863792008-02-24T18:10:00.017-06:002008-02-25T08:36:15.647-06:00

How on earth does one "demonize" a psychopath?If 20 times a day you think, "I love milk and all the milk in the world belongs to me," the little pathway of connecting brain cells that lights up to think that thought dumps transmitter substance into those connections 20 times a day.The amount of this chemical builds up, because it is being added to faster than it degrades. This is called MEMORY.

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-66428408306861268142008-02-23T04:54:00.017-06:002008-02-23T08:56:28.438-06:00

Last time I attempted to explain why narcissists interract with other people the way normal people interact with a mirror.That's an abstract analogy that often goes over people's heads. But it's a fact with tremendous implications.For example, let's say that you are a person with poor posture. Do you let that show before a mirror? No! Before a mirror you straighten up, don't you? Is that image of

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-66542835227466828272008-02-22T14:39:00.008-06:002008-02-23T05:31:14.751-06:00

Continued from the previous post, which ended with the point that narcissists identify with their image instead of their true, inner selves.An image has but virtual reality. It is but a representation of something, a thing that may, or may not, be real. Your image is a work of art that you carve out by the impression you make on others.In other words, she identifies with her image as her self.

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-31236592441190559082008-02-21T18:15:00.004-06:002008-02-22T14:58:51.857-06:00

Understanding what makes narcissists tick is difficult, because it's counterintuitive. But it does make sense. The problem is that normal people make incorrect assumptions about narcissists and end up scratching their heads. The key to understanding is knowing what happens on their end of your interaction with a narcissist. It is vastly different from what happens on your end. But you have no way

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-54645356906708046712008-02-21T06:27:00.006-06:002008-02-21T07:10:42.549-06:00

I have never been a big fan of Edgar Allen Poe, but one of his stories grabbed me by the guts when I was but a teenager, and I have never forgotten it.Meet the malignant narcissist in "The Cask of Amontillado."THE thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge. You, who so well know the nature of my soul, will not suppose, however,

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-56734867652744092142008-02-20T16:22:00.012-06:002008-02-22T14:24:43.752-06:00

It seems to me that a malignant narcissist can't help his or her temptations, predatory urges. Maybe they are the fruit of a lifetime of twisted thinking and therefore the narcissist's own fault ultimately. Maybe not.For example, if you are addicted to heroin, your desire for it today is the end of a path you chose to take and never repented from. We should understand how strong your temptation

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-18817826554237780252008-02-19T14:06:00.003-06:002008-02-19T14:49:53.034-06:00

Just a reminder that everyday examples of narcissistic behavior are more than welcome in the comments. These examples "illustrate" what's going on in your relationship with a narcissist better than any amount of verbiage can. So, don't hesitate to offer your example, even if it would seem to be an exception to some rule of thumb or to contradict others' observations.Usually that just serves as a

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-49352811298284074402008-02-19T09:16:00.005-06:002008-02-19T09:57:23.629-06:00

In the comments, I mentioned the chapter "Acting Like It Didn't Happen," and someone asked where it was. When I checked, I found that it wasn't listed in the site contents. But on checking further, I found that it was online, not that anyone could find it ;-)You'll find it now in the contents under the heading "The Narcissist's Strategy," right after "Forcing Submission to Abuse."A narcissist I

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-37008730762354065582008-02-18T21:16:00.002-06:002008-02-18T21:25:55.720-06:00

If you know a malignant narcissist, you already know the answer to that question. Here's an example that fits their MO.Narcissist walks into a room. There is a young, unmarried female colleague or his wife. He takes a quick glance around and sees that no one else is there. Then he abuses the woman, cruelly mocking her in some shocking way.Several hours later, he enters the same room. There she is

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-54089318004437067512008-02-12T17:20:00.000-06:002008-02-12T19:11:38.175-06:00

Welcome yet again to the narcissist's world - the wonderland Alice found herself in when she fell down a rabbit hole on a psychedelic trip. This is the third and last post in a series that gives a simple example of the games narcissists play. Part 1Part 2Our hypothetical malignant narcissist is a woman named Jean. Jean exploits her interactions with a friend solely for attention. That is, she

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-33640899327448550802008-02-12T05:29:00.000-06:002008-02-12T20:47:42.376-06:00

Professor Bruce Charlton, of the School of Biology at the University of Newcastle upon Tyne, England, via Discovery News:People such as academics, teachers, scientists and many other professionals are often strikingly immature outside of their strictly specialist competence in the sense of being unpredictable, unbalanced in priorities, and tending to overreact.Like we hadn't noticed?This

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-12199950927915464162008-02-10T09:33:00.000-06:002008-02-12T19:22:29.797-06:00

Welcome again to the narcissist's world - the wonderland Alice found herself in when she fell down a rabbit hole on a psychedelic trip.This is the second in a series of posts that gives a simple example of the games narcissists play. (If you haven't read that last post, you really should read it before continuing with this one.) In this case, our hypothetical malignant narcissist is named Jean.

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-80380532588882940392008-02-07T10:23:00.000-06:002008-02-12T19:23:36.729-06:00

In the next two or three posts, I will give an example of the kind of games narcissists play. In this one, the narcissist uses interactions with a friend whom he or she has casual contact with, usually in chats over the telephone.Let's call our malignant narcissist Jean.Jean doesn't view that friend as a normal person would. In fact, Jean has no real human relationship with that friend, only the

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-76572137170282659472008-02-06T08:05:00.000-06:002008-02-07T12:20:17.372-06:00

A footnote on the last post.Religion, especially Christianity, can be sharply criticized for making us feel that we must put up with abuse. That we must forgive even ongoing and unrepented offenses = that we must dociley submit to abuse. As though there is some virtue in victimhood.Back when I was a Catholic, I was amazed at the disconnect between the actual theology and what we hear in the

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-9916293220828874262008-02-06T07:22:00.000-06:002008-02-06T09:43:08.553-06:00

I'd hate to admit how long it took me to learn to trust my instincts. If you sense that someone is playing games with you, they are.In some settings, of course, game-playing is appropriate. For example, in tennis, to pressure an opposing server, I will sometimes step up to play the return of serve from well inside the baseline. I am playing a mind game. I am telling the server that I eat power

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-64563254217650190122008-02-05T17:53:00.000-06:002008-02-05T19:39:59.730-06:00

What is the predator thinking? What's going on in the mystery behind those steely blue eyes? What do they see in you?Something to love for anything but lunch?How many tiger-tamers and lion-tamers have fooled themselves into thinking they had developed a relationship with these beasts? Fooled themselves into unknowing that every minute of every day in the cage that tiger was tempted.That's what

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-23094933365801827512008-02-05T06:43:00.000-06:002008-02-05T17:52:05.684-06:00

In my last post, I skipped a sentence or two that digressed while quoting Sam Vaknin. I did this partly because they rambled a bit, distracting from the point, and partly because I didn't want to have to deal with them in the middle of a post on something else.Now let's look at that statement.I compared Narcissistic Supply to drugs because of the almost involuntary and always-unrestrained nature

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-3299787549253374072008-02-03T06:50:00.000-06:002008-02-03T08:27:53.389-06:00

Perhaps the strangest thing about narcissistic abuse is the almost universal decision of the victim to put up with it. This is something other people cannot get their minds around. And it is one reason why they withhold sympathy from the victim, blowing off severe psychological abuse and mental cruelty as mere annoyance.But there are many understandable reasons why the victim puts up with it. All

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-536590561368719112008-01-31T11:55:00.000-06:002008-01-31T12:41:55.698-06:00

As I've pointed out before, therapy doesn't modify the behavior of psychopaths and other narcissists. In fact, the evidence indicates that it just makes them worse.I find that quite understandable. Psychopaths and other narcissists are like people from another planet: they are operaing on alien premises, not normal human premises. (See "Narcissists Are from Pluto" in the book.) So, you can't use

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-22442235732981726442008-01-30T16:20:00.002-06:002008-03-04T14:53:41.451-06:00

In The Banality of Evil, I referred to a post by Norman Geras that lays out the learned appraisal of the people who participated in the crimes against humanity of Holocaust. I agreed with him in disagreeing with this appraisal.Let us try to get our minds around this teaching: the perpetrators did these abnormal things but were not abnormal; they did these sadistic things but were not sadistic;

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-32655241664306654172008-01-28T20:15:00.000-06:002008-03-04T10:35:19.808-06:00

Here is an interesting post that touches on a question we examine here - the nature of people who do atrocious things to others, people who otherwise pass for normal. It is one of several recent posts commemorating Holocaust Memorial Day, by Norman Geras, Professor in the Department of Government at the University of Manchester.He comments on Hanna Arndt's popularization of the phrase "the

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-65171041482430501072008-01-28T09:34:00.000-06:002008-01-28T11:14:24.725-06:00

Malignant narcissists deal with the dirty, rotten things they do by denying how inferior it makes them to people with integrity. They do this by manufacturing delusions of its opposite - superiority. They do this because they are emotional children, and this is the way little children handle unwanted truth. To counter it, they just let fly a yell that says the opposite. And they think that by

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-4363629485249348662008-01-25T23:22:00.000-06:002008-01-28T01:24:23.395-06:00

There are good clinicians and researchers out there, but academia is a dead weight hindering the progress of psychology.They have political and social agendas: 'People are inherently good,' they say. 'Just give them a hug, a puppy dog, and a musical instrument and they're all going to be okay.' " That isn't science. That's like a religious doctrine.Therefore, no matter what, they just won't know

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-12896142939378631942008-01-24T11:22:00.000-06:002008-01-24T13:33:41.116-06:00

Believe it or not, I have been so buried in the Australian Open and my Pro Shop that I had trouble thinking of a topic for my next post here. But someone just gave me a good idea.Do narcissists have a conscience?Sam Vaknin:No. Conscience is predicated on empathy. One puts oneself in other people's "shoes" and feels the way they do. Without empathy, there can be no love or conscience. Indeed, the

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-83118226093241101622008-01-20T20:28:00.000-06:002008-01-20T21:39:08.146-06:00

While surfing the Web I came across an ad you've probably seen by now - an ad for people looking "to have an affair." Call me old-fashioned, but I was a bit shocked at this ad looking for married people who want to cheat on their spouse.I mean, it's one thing to do that, and it's another to be so shameless about it that you are anti-shameless!What are such people trying to prove? That they are

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-53868707843419707442008-01-15T09:18:00.000-06:002008-01-15T11:11:18.824-06:00

People often act naive, as though intellectual dishonesty is rare. (An innocent act to portray themselves as never having dreamed of being intellectually dishonest themselves?) They get incredulous when you try to tell them that narcissists and psychopaths are insincere and just showing you whatever face draws from you the reaction they want. Similarly, people often snort at the idea that

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-65657755517972017732008-01-11T06:39:00.000-06:002008-01-11T06:52:32.153-06:00

Comments on the last post got OT. The first was OK. But it drew a second that answered some accusations in the sidebar on linked-to pages. So, after publishing the first, it was only fair to publish the defense as well.But then, of course, one leads to another and way OT into a hot-button geopolitical issue. To keep this blog on track, I therefore have disabled further comments on that post.

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-26875874253851558772008-01-10T17:38:00.000-06:002008-01-11T06:25:34.433-06:00

As you can see, I call the victim of abuse the "victim." And I don't blame the victim. Narcissistic abuse is predation. The target is not someone the narcissist has anything against. To the contrary, the targeted victim is always someone who deserves the EXACT OPPOSITE of abuse. There is no provocation. The trigger is simply the sight of a vulnerable target of opportunity. In short, this is

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-24190876833287912172008-01-10T16:07:00.001-06:002008-01-10T16:23:59.866-06:00

By making excuses for them, narcissist sympathisers leave narcissists no incentive to change. In other words, narcissist sympathisers enable narcissists. They actually serve as a temptation to narcissists.By making it seem evil for the victim to FEEL anything or to do anything but bend over for the abuse, narcissist sympathisers re-victimize the victim, help the narcissist succeed with his or her

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-84371356103854413762008-01-08T19:53:00.000-06:002008-01-08T20:00:30.170-06:00

What does facing the facts about narcissists teach us?It teaches us to quit trying, quit enabling, quit blaming ourselves, quit making excuses for them. They act out of malice that envies everything in others, even self respect.It also teaches us not to let the holier-than-thous load a guilt trip on us for abandonning the nacissist or holding him or her accountable for damage done. It's just

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-34874685256236876382008-01-08T00:12:00.000-06:002008-01-08T18:05:54.321-06:00

I, for one, am sick of the insult to our intelligence in narcissist sympathizers trying to hand people the line that the poor, poor narcissist doesn't mean to hurt anyone, that they don't know what they are doing, that it just sort of happens, that they think they are behaving normally.Your brain must be dead if you think that people who abuse ONLY ON THE SLY - behaving like angels when there are

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-72694565318209567002008-01-07T10:47:00.000-06:002008-01-07T11:12:30.098-06:00

Last week I had a psychedelic computer monitor that needed replacing. (You'd be surprized how odd things look when there is no green.) I no sooner got it replaced when I got slammed by a nasty respiratory virus. You'll probably notice that posting is light, and that's just because I'm a bit under the weather. Nonetheless I should keep up with publishing your comments every few hours.PSThe dog

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-39181037493292714392008-01-05T09:48:00.000-06:002008-01-06T03:25:35.675-06:00

This post is inspired by this comment, which ends thus:...I'm thinking in particular of one couple, my "best fried" of 20 years and her husband, who chose to remain friends with my narcissistic ex and to lie to me about it even after being told about the abuse and even after telling me that they believed everything I said about the abuse that occurred.My "friend" gave a long speech about how she

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-74747138406435744972008-01-03T05:46:00.000-06:002008-01-03T06:05:19.837-06:00

On the obtuseness of many therapists (but not all) and of your typical holier-than-thou narcissist sympathizer who puts the victim under a fault-finding microscope and somehow has just nothing to say about the narcissist's offense:Please let the facts sink in. Going around your whole life telling people that your mother, father, brother, sister, wife, husband, or co-worker is crazy (among other

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-2548123393280178072008-01-02T18:49:00.000-06:002008-01-02T19:06:06.566-06:00

The label of "narcissist" often gets thrown around out of envy. So, it's important to clarify what grandiosity is.I borrow the excellent example Joanna Ashumun uses: Back in his younger days (when his name was Cassius Clay), Muhammed Ali said, "I am the greatest. I am the prettiest." That wasn't grandiosity, because he was the greatest and the prettiest. By far.But if Sonny Liston or any other

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-7939920196740792212008-01-02T12:56:00.001-06:002008-01-02T13:01:04.288-06:00

Don't misss this comment by Sonicido for an excellent example of how cunning and deceitful narcissists are.Nothing is as it appears to be with narcissists. They have been acting out frauds for so long that they are experts at it.As time goes on, you discover that more and more of what you believed about events and situations in the past was all staged. Technorati Tags:narcissistic personality

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-51973671874166120102008-01-02T09:07:00.000-06:002008-01-02T09:51:10.029-06:00

My last post shows why I think it's so important not to be obtuse to the NATURE of the things narcissists do to people (and any living thing at their mercy).It's unnatural. If you think about it, you can see that it's worse than what many street criminals do. For, many street criminals don't do what they do just to hurt others. What they do is wrong and unjustified but not unnatural.For example,

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-54152894883069452422008-01-01T22:48:00.000-06:002008-01-02T01:56:24.864-06:00

You keep trying to get through to your narcissist. You just can't accept it that you can't reach them. Stubbornly, you keep trying.That's partly because you don't know half of what they've done to you behind your back.When you finally give up, your only regret is that you feel like an utter fool for having fled into denial where you kept trying for so long. You see that you should have known they

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-68243598586814173882007-12-30T20:10:00.000-06:002007-12-30T21:46:13.989-06:00

A narcissist has no proper relationship with herself. She unknows the self inside and identifies with something external, her projected image, instead. Hence, NPD has often been called a "disorder of the self."Now THAT'S a pretty important relationship to foul up. If you don't relate to yourself, how can you relate to anyone else?Narcissists don't. They relate to other human beings as objects.

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-77092481702950881952007-12-27T15:05:00.000-06:002007-12-27T16:14:34.721-06:00

Most people find out nothing about narcissists until they get destroyed by one and go searching for answers on the bizarre incident. Before they learn more, their idea of a narcissist is of a person with a sky-high opinion of themselves, period.They associate narcissism with self-love (which never made sense to me) and with grandiosity, haughtiness, snobbishness, megalomania, thinking you're just

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-20603197148167677952007-12-26T05:18:00.000-06:002007-12-26T02:56:31.377-06:00

You often hear people talk as though the only victims of narcissists are a certain type of people - weak people, who more or less ask for it and attract narcissists like magnets.That's stupid, and I wish these stupid people would plug in their brains, because a smart monkey probably knows better than that. By far, the greatest number of victims are the children of narcissists. They "attracted"

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-73804424045126485052007-12-24T07:14:00.001-06:002007-12-24T11:35:37.000-06:00

Who is needier than a narcissist? More dependant?Their dependence is the dependence of any parasite on its host. This dependence is the very essence of their so-called "relationship" with you. It is the relationship you have with a tick or disease. That's all there is to it. Nothing for YOU in it at all.They truly are emotional vampires and probably are the type storytellers had in mind when they

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-65004447506551242892007-12-21T10:25:00.000-06:002007-12-21T10:54:18.093-06:00

It's about time!The last I heard, we were in for a new kind of "severe weather" I'd never heard of before. Ready for this? (Drumroll) "Freezing Fog!"Sounds like the Monster of the Deep or something. Well, I guess I always knew that fog could form and freeze, but....And it does. It produces the worst kind of ice, sometimes called "black ice." I'll never forget riding home after a visit to

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-65824083391752726792007-12-21T06:58:00.000-06:002007-12-21T09:18:02.047-06:00

Doubtless, in my last post, you noticed the similarity in the attitude of your typical narcissist and the attitude of the dependent people I mentioned in the examples.Hopefully your politics button wasn't pushed by those examples to make you resist the known truth and...(a) go deaf to my assertion that these are not bad people REFUSING to lift a finger for themselves and help their neighbor.(b)

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-7767972241685816322007-12-17T06:29:00.000-06:002007-12-17T09:42:24.784-06:00

This is the first of two posts on dependancy. This first one speaks of it in general terms. The next one will relate it to narcissism and to why we must avoid becoming dependent on a narcissist.After the First Gulf War, a citizen of Kuwait, who was a friend of one of our teachers, came to speak to the students at our school about his experience. I was bowled over by something he said.He said that

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-13917297223091257872007-12-15T11:48:00.000-06:002007-12-15T12:41:02.172-06:00

Is NPD a character disorder? Or a personality disorder? There is quite a debate going on about this.It's obviously a character disorder. The law here classifies it as such, and I have explained why. There can be no doubt about this, because narcissists are devious, diabolical, and predatory. They sneak around to do wicked things on the sly and cover their tracks with dissimulation. They take

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-31191188812713619882007-12-15T11:20:00.000-06:002007-12-15T12:59:01.946-06:00

Narcissists really know only a few tricks. One happens to be projection, and they practice it so much that it becomes second nature. Hence narcissists love to commit character assassination by calling the party they're tearing down (to look better than) the narcissist. Kinda like the French intelligentsia accusing America of being the grandiose one, the narcissist. A joke.Where is the character

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-18349989302820079912007-12-14T05:42:00.000-06:002007-12-14T06:01:40.619-06:00

When you tell someone that it is a sin for them to yell back or hit back or whatever if someone is attacking them, what are you saying?I wish the holier-than-thou control freaks who like to exert control over others by restraining them at every turn, would put themselves in the victim's shoes just once.When you tell a victim that this is what God wants, you are telling them that God put them here

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-85974245512656312432007-12-14T05:21:00.000-06:002007-12-14T05:31:54.365-06:00

A new comment on an old post: The Fallacious Assumption that Children Are Mindless.The comment adds to examples of budding narcissists in children. The post shows how the narcissist's behavior is practiced since early childhood and can shock you with the wickedness you detect in that child when you catch Angelface in the act.For all our show of concern and liking for children, the average adult

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-61510272661251489052007-12-12T09:15:00.001-06:002008-02-19T18:59:47.620-06:00

This is for an overlooked class of victims.For every spouse abused by a narcissist, there are several children of narcissists abused by them. And, in most situations, the narcissist has had the power to get co-workers fired and/or to destroy careers, so the narcissist also leaves a trail of these victims in his or her truculent wake through life.And then there are the friends. People who once

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-39371051253471728222007-12-10T15:17:00.000-06:002007-12-10T15:30:06.486-06:00

Someone posts a question in the comments on this posts The Smear Campaign of the Abuser, asking for advice.Here's my two-cents' worth:1. An innocent person acts like an innocent person and denies the slander.2. BUT the great majority of bystanders, for corrupt reasons, will refuse to stop believing the lies, no matter how perfectly you prove your case.3. They will, howver, instantly get their

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-52449042560106223302007-12-10T12:17:00.001-06:002008-02-19T19:00:27.497-06:00

Speaking of teachers, here is something all students and parents should know.Narcissistic teachers (and weak teachers) use something I call "scapegoat discipline." Believe it or not, they actually target a kid in each section at the beginning of the year. This kid is the selected class scapegoat. Whenever the teacher isn't getting what he or she wants, they start yelling at the scapegoat for

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-48466858958597156782007-12-09T17:35:00.000-06:002007-12-30T20:09:17.808-06:00

Here is another example of how narcissists operate. The sheer amount of roundabout trouble the narcissist goes to and the amount of time she must have spent plotting this thing will probably amaze you. But if you had only one thing on your mind 100% of the time, you'd probably be this way too.A narcissistic woman has always abused her older sister. They are both in their fifties now, but up until

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-43289811444696409922007-12-09T06:17:00.000-06:002007-12-30T20:09:17.808-06:00

It wasn't till I went no-contact with a narcissist for months that I realized a narcissist is like a disease. Here I was, feeling better. I had been so used to feeling badly that I didn't even realize I was feeling badly anymore. A few months without any interaction with a narcissist and - poof - I'm a new woman!That's a tough thing to say but true. It's because of what narcissists use you

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-4640785195707233842007-12-07T19:37:00.000-06:002007-12-07T19:50:08.606-06:00

In case you haven't frequented "What Makes Narcissists Tick" long enough to notice the difference, I should mention that when I started, I wasn't serious about the book. (Not like I was about my other books.) It was just an easy-on-the-eyes version of the Website, especially for people on dial-up connections. I almost felt guilty about charging money for it.But over time, I have gotten better.

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-82100622665886270342007-12-07T06:27:00.000-06:002007-12-07T07:11:06.134-06:00

Examples of narcissistic behavior best reveal what is going on in your relationship with a narcissist. I see them as having value in primarily two ways.First, many people look up "narcissism" on the Web because they have heard something about it that makes them wonder if it explains the peculiar behavior of a certain person in their life. Examples can answer that question for them. Not always,

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-19554713973310621612007-12-06T07:42:00.000-06:002007-12-30T19:49:00.757-06:00

The most important thing to keep in mind is that your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have.The same things can damage it that damage your other human relations. The deal-breaker is BETRAYAL.Have you ever felt betrayed? If so, then you know that it is the blackest feeling a human being can have. It is devastating. It is what makes people want to just turn their

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-64373808691232529422007-12-02T06:59:00.000-06:002007-12-02T08:02:36.152-06:00

Yet another thing we victims of narcissists like to delude ourselves about.I'm sorry, but there is no Master of Universe out there running the show to make sure goodness triumphs over evil in the end. Simply because of their diabolical cheating, most narcissists never get their come-uppance.The Bishop of Beauvais who made a forgotten demon out of Joan of Arc for several hundred years died in his

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-72125854379709989592007-12-01T22:34:00.000-06:002007-12-01T23:22:24.495-06:00

And so, what do you do if you cannot forgive your abuser?What SHOULD you do? Which party is the obstacle to reconciliation here? You or your abuser?What should you do? Just accept it. It's a fact. Let it be. You cannot really change it: all you can do is delude yourself about it.You can pretend to have "forgiven" your abuser all you want, but there is nonetheless, a state of war between you. It

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-37329789579244143362007-12-01T20:49:00.000-06:002007-12-01T22:14:45.590-06:00

One reason collective thinking gets so screwed up is because the language we think with is corrupted by constant abuse by the foghorns in our communication media. Note what they do to concepts in the meaningful words they bastardize. They bleach all the meaning out of them till these words are no longer action verbs with concrete meaning but just buzz denoting some fuzzy abstract sentiment that

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-21172869787023267672007-12-01T15:47:00.000-06:002007-12-30T19:49:00.757-06:00

I think that often, when a victim says he or she "forgives" someone, they are just pretending that they aren't powerless to make the offender stop it or to get back what he stole.Talk about "playing Pretend."The reason I say this is because it's fashionable to forgive all sorts of unforgiveable things, and you hear people doing it every day.You even hear people claiming to have forgiven a

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-43272332509756482642007-11-29T21:24:00.000-06:002007-11-29T23:58:28.678-06:00

I want you to know that I really appreciate the thanks I receive in the comments and in email. It is still the most valuable reward in doing this. There's nothing I'd rather hear than that a victim has at last found comfort instead of the troublesome comfort of the 6 billion Job's Comforters that swarm all over this planet, serving as a proxy for the narcissist - useful idiots involved in a

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-49229004788409259502007-11-28T06:24:00.000-06:002007-11-28T08:21:05.744-06:00

Here's a case study of a narcissist that demolishes the simplistic stereotype of the corporate executive or the snobby debutante.Let's call him Jack. You never see Jack in anything but a T-shirt and blue jeans.When he and his wife and kids moved in next door a couple years ago, he seemed liked a regular guy, a hard-working man. He had beautiful long, blonde hair reminiscent of the hippy culture.

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-29932927921524080962007-11-27T17:43:00.000-06:002007-11-27T18:50:40.606-06:00

It becomes more and more clear to me that, as a science, psychology is even worse than I thought it was. I am not being harsh: there is no excuse for such shoddy practices in studying a disease. Worse, the so-called "authorities" seem unable to learn from their mistakes. For example, even though their method of treatment has thoroughly been proven to greatly INCREASE the recidivism rate, they

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18702053.post-38053814670911543322007-11-25T14:11:00.000-06:002007-11-25T14:19:55.946-06:00

Hypocrites are for looks only. They think a thing ain't wrong if they get away with it. In other words, they confuse appearances with reality. Consequently, they have no conscience — just an unconscience. That is, they repress their conscience. Hence, what they do in the dark is shockingly different than what they do in the light of day. These are the people who put make-up on their image too

Kathyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10159241410692201321noreply@blogger.com4