Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The Perfect Crime

If you are reading this, the chances are that someone or something has given you a clue that you might find the key to a profound mystery in a mental illness known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Maybe it was only yesterday. If so, you are probably still reeling from the discovery that you weren't imagining things, that something is wrong with a certain person in your life, and that your experience with him or her isn't unique.

Maybe all your life they've made you feel like a tethered bird, never allowed to feel good about yourself. Or maybe you have a sense of foreboding that comes through in bad dreams because it seems that this person, for no known reason, is out to get you.

But who would believe it? You yourself can't believe it. You've had to keep pinching yourself, because Why would anyone do that? Especially this person. And why would he or she do that to you? It defies reason.

Which makes it the perfect crime = the one no one believes. Because it goes against nature. And because it has no possible motive.

Yet, when you think twice, it's stupid to doubt that such things happen. The daily news proves that they do. For we could ask the old Why-would-anyone-do-that? question about every rape, every random murder, every child molestation, every random act of vandalism.

They are abundant proof of the FACT that some people need no motive. They act out of pure malice. They do it just to do it.

In fact, jurisprudence has long recognized the motive of pure malice.

Some people hurt you because hurting others makes them feel good. It makes them feel good in the same way that eating makes a starving person feel good. It makes them feel good in the same way that a narcotic makes a person in pain feel good.

Just as hungry people like eating and just as pained people like taking narcotics, they like hurting you.

They need to hurt you. Just as a hungry person needs food and a person in pain needs a narcotic. That's what you are to them, food, as to a vampire, or a punching bag to transfer their pain to.

For, they are predators.

So, they don't dare feel anything for you. No matter who you are - son, daughter, mother, father, brother, sister, husband, wife, best friend, benefactor, savior - no matter who you are they feel nothing for you.

It's a life or death matter: no predator dares feel anything for their prey; if they did, they couldn't survive, because they couldn't bear to do what they do to their prey.

So, they turn off their sensibilities and make light of it. What they do to you is just nothing…to them.

Why do they target those who least deserve it? Because those who least deserve it are the easiest prey. They are the least suspecting, the most trusting, the most vulnerable. Every predator targets easy prey.

Predators are in a class by themselves among the mentally ill. And they will be the first to tell you so.

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8 Comments:

At 9:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

kathy i feel like i have read this here before? I also kind of just drew a correlation from reading it again. I've been struggling with the "idea" of varying "degrees" of narcissism for a while and- this is where it gets a little fuzzy and I need help sorting things out so feedback is requested-and I think I've been trying to do this claiming my H's narcisissm is on the "mild" side. Am I still trying to excuse my H? Or perhaps I'm still trying to deny it?! (Hmmm) Or maybe I'm still struggling to define "what's wrong". A lot of us talk about guilt which also indicates responsibity, a trait we all value, which is why we get so frustrated with Ns. We all know it takes "two to tango". I keep wanting to blame all our dis and non functioning on him. Is that okay to do?

 
At 2:47 PM, Anonymous dandelion said...

I think there are different "colorings" of narcissism that differ in their degree of destructiveness. You've probably heard that personality disorders usually don't occur by themselves but are co-morbid with others. I see this in the two N's in my family, who also have respective histrionic and passive-aggressive traits. The nature of their outward behavior is different, although the core trait of not considering the other as a separate person is common to both. My guess is that N's with borderline or psychopathic traits would be even harder to live with.

And, I don't know where I heard this from, but although it takes two to make a relationship work, it only takes one to wreck it. (Maybe Patricia Evans?) So, I do blame the tanking of our marriage on my husband, all the while realizing that if I were more of a doormat or more in denial that we could have a functioning (although not really good) marriage. I take responsibility for having a certain standard of how I want to be treated, and unfortunately he doesn't meet it.

 
At 9:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh dandelion thankyou (again) so much

 
At 12:27 AM, Anonymous GH said...

"I take responsibility for having a certain standard of how I want to be treated, and unfortunately he doesn't meet it."

So well said dandelion! So well said.

 
At 12:39 PM, Blogger Fighter said...

Wow!! Even though its been almost 3 years since I saw my last N - I still have moments of WHY DID HE DO THAT TO ME? WHY? well, this answers it all.

BTW - he was MOST furious when I finally called him a PREDATOR to his face. Yup, a PREDATOR!

 
At 6:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a bit of a Narcissist. I don't have rages around other people because that is wrong and abusive - but I do look in other people for a mirror type reaction.

I think this initial post is bang on - and think the person writing it has a keen sense of observation.

My Mother was depressed after giving birth to me and didn't ever pick me up. She didn't ever want children and did not hesitate to let me know that on a regular basis.

Therefore I think I look for the following in other people; approval, love, adoring, but mostly approval. Its a driven need that comes from deep within me - and I think that if I had gotten those things as an infant from my mother I wouldn't be looking for it from people in my adult life.

My father did love me and picked me up etc... so I'm not totally out of control. But I just wanted to present the other point of view. I'm sure that in the next few years of my adult life (I'm 32) I will heal completely - it may be when I have children and look at them with love and approval. But people who behave in this narcissist way are beginning the journey of loving themselves and use other people to come to the truth that they are indeed loveable - because they don't think that they are because of how they've been treated.

 
At 6:30 PM, Blogger Katherine said...

I am a bit of a Narcissist. I don't have rages around other people because that is wrong and abusive - but I do look in other people for a mirror type reaction.

I think this initial post is bang on - and think the person writing it has a keen sense of observation.

My Mother was depressed after giving birth to me and didn't ever pick me up. She didn't ever want children and did not hesitate to let me know that on a regular basis.

Therefore I think I look for the following in other people; approval, love, adoring, but mostly approval. Its a driven need that comes from deep within me - and I think that if I had gotten those things as an infant from my mother I wouldn't be looking for it from people in my adult life.

My father did love me and picked me up etc... so I'm not totally out of control. But I just wanted to present the other point of view. I'm sure that in the next few years of my adult life (I'm 32) I will heal completely - it may be when I have children and look at them with love and approval. But people who behave in this narcissist way are beginning the journey of loving themselves and use other people to come to the truth that they are indeed loveable - because they don't think that they are because of how they've been treated.

 
At 10:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is such an old thread that I don't know if anyone will read this further comment but to the person claiming that they are a bit of a naricissist...we all are but by the very fact that you recognise that in yourself and desire not to hurt and to change reveals to me that you are not a malignant narcissist. We are all born narcissistic and our maturation process is naturally an unfolding of self. For whatever reason, (and I'm not of the oppion that it is all nature or all nurture) a malignant narcissist never partakes in that normal unfolding that is maturation of the human spirit and mind.---That is my school of hard knocks for fifty years opinion.:0)

Pam

 

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