The Misconception that Narcissists Are Touchy
I'd hate to admit how long it took me to realize that narcissists shouldn't be regarded as touchy and reacting to perceived slights when they attack.
Like every normal person, I ASSUMED that's why they attack. I mean, what other reason could there possibly be for suddenly getting so viciously aggressive and attacking someone you're supposed to love?
Well, in a normal person, there couldn't be any other reason. But narcissists aren't normal people. So, it's a mistake to assume that they are acting on normal human premises.
For example, let's say that you slight me. That's a narcissistic injury to me, and I don't like it, because I am diminished by it. If it provokes me enough, I will strike back at you. (Verbally if I'm an adult and physically perhaps if I'm a child.)
My premise? My premise is that if I hit back, you will think twice before before hitting me again.
That's a normal human premise. Notice that it's purely defensive. I don't do it because I want to hurt you. I don't do it because I like hurting you. I don't enjoy doing it. I simply want to make you back off and leave me alone.
The moment you do back off, it's over. I don't keep letting you have it. If you walk away, I don't pursue you with my attack.
Indeed, if you seem too deeply hurt, I will apologize for overreacting and tell you that I didn't mean to make you feel so bad. The result is that you feel better about it and that we both have the thing in perspective, each seeing where we were wrong.
If you ever watch nature programs, you see the same thing occurring among animals. They have their spats with their own kind. But rarely is either party injured. And the instant the offender backs off, it's over. In the blink of an eye, it's as though the spat never happened.
That's normal. Because, when your goal is to just get the other party to back off, your goal is accomplished the moment the other party backs off.
That isn't a narcissist's goal. A narcissist is a predator.
A predator doesn't let up when the victim backs down or tries to appease him: he just pours it on, as one narcissist put it to me, "until there's just nothing left of that person at all."
Now, what's the premise of such an act? Defense? Baloney. It's offense. Because a predator isn't fighting others: a predator is eating them.
It's time all victims and therapists caught on to this. What provokes a narc attack is nothing but a vulnerable target of opportunity (to get away with it while no one else is looking).
It's time to stop falling for a narcissist's lying excuses. The very way they attack PROVES that they aren't retaliating for anything.
Touchy? (In safe circumstances) test one. When she blows up in your face, blow up louder right back in hers. Watch the instantaneous transfiguration. Since it backfired, she will have off her Terro mask and replace it with her Meek-and-Hurt-Little-Miss-Wouldn't-Hurt-a-Fly mask. I dare any therapist to test this. You have to see it to believe it. It's enough to make you think you're dealing with multiple personalities. Then you can abuse her with the meanest crudest verbal abuse you can think of. Will it set your "touchy" narcissist off?
No. Because she ain't touchy; she's just a bully.
Note: I am not advocating always getting in a narcissist's face. The only rein on their behavior is what they think they can get away with. And, a furious narcissist with access to a weapon is essentially a furious five-year-old with access to one.