Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Talking with a Narcissist

I can't be sure of this, but I've found it in two narcississts I knew well: They were terrible at recognizing faces and remembering names. Embarrasingly bad. But both were good at hiding it, so you had to know them well and get lucky to catch them unable to fake it often enough to realize this about them.

The impression I got from both these people is that their mind was going a-mile-a-minute while interracting with you, that they couldn't pay attention to what you were saying because they were too busy thinking of what they were going to say next. Then they'd blurt it before you were even finished, as though unaware that you were in the middle of a sentence. Needless to say, they were always getting what you said screwed up.

This makes sense if you remember that you are just a mirror they're posing before in an interraction. They aren't interested in you or anything you have to say. They are interested only in the image of themselves being reflected by your behavior. You yourself -- your face, your voice, what you say -- gets filtered out like the picture on the wall behind you or background noise out on the street.

If they meet you again tommorrow, they won't recognize you, let alone remember your name. That's how self-absorbed they are.


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At 10:17 PM, Blogger Anne B. said...

Thanks so much for linking to my blog SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED!!! Your site is great!

2 other sites I help out with that deal with Narcissists:


Keep up the terrific work!

At 5:23 AM, Blogger Nevermore said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 5:29 AM, Blogger Nevermore said...

Well, what can we humble bums say in the face of such superior beings? I for one think it a blessing if narcs don't remember me. For if you are able to observe long enough without being observed yourself, then it becomes much easier to expose the narc for who they are. I've done this, and it is worth the effort. It’s late, good night.
(Sorry, I posted and then saw spelling errors. Had to fix it.)

At 2:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Kathy
First I want to thank you for sharing and all the information on your site. I have been there and the traumatic expirienses still influance me after two years.
The hard part later on is to discoverer no one can understand what you've been through. Some do, people who've been there too, for me only on the internet, people like you, like Alexandra Nouri who's been such a great help for me. How do you deal with the trauma?
My girlfriend then waited to end the relationship to stab me in the back with a knife (her own words:"I donn't want to stab a knife in your back but I decided to end the relation now at the most difficult time for you").
It was the day of the funeral of my mother. All the things that happened before and after started to become more clear whne I started to read more about narcissism. I am a trained psychiatric nurser with 15 years dealing with all kinds of disorders. Narsissist are one of a kind. Not often seen in hospital. Now I have to deal with one at work with my new insights. It's unbeleavebel, weard, from another planet. And digusting if you donn't cann't see as sick. The trail of harm they leave behind them...I cann't feel any symphathy for them at all anymore. How hard I try, I cann't. I see them as lost souls and only like to protect others from their evil wher I can. Gretings Gerard (holland)

At 5:55 PM, Blogger Kathy K said...

Hello Gerard,

I don't know how I deal with it. I do know that making other victims feel better makes me feel better. I also know that getting away from the narcissist makes everything better. But you don't realize it till much later. Then you see that you were sick till the speration, after which you started to get well. A narcissist in your life is such a malign influence that it's almost as though they are a disease. I also know that it takes a strong mind to cling to logic and reality in the face of a narcissist's gaslighting. Don't feel bad about not sympathizing. If you knew the real person inside a narcissist -- the little child abused many years ago -- you could sympathize with her. But the monster that ate her, the person she is now, isn't someobody any decent person can sympathize with. We can't sympathize with people who like hurting others and only do it when they can get away with it.


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