Some people can be amazingly obtuse. Just because NPD is classed, not just as a character disorder, but also as a personality disorder, they think narcissists are just poor, suffering victims who just can't help what nasty things they do to people.
So long as they do it to OTHER people, that is.
People like this are half the problem.
Has it never occured to them why narcissists let Mr. Hyde out only in the dark? Only behind closed doors in secret where there are no witnesses? Why do narcissists dream up ways to abuse that leave no evidence or take great pains to conceal the evidence or get somebody else blamed for the deed, preferably the victim? Just because they have a diabolical sense of humor, or what?
Why do they take such pains to carve out a false image of themselves? one that's the very antithesis of their true selves, with a halo and wings and an angelface? Why do they behave like angels when there would be witnesses? and only attack when the coast is clear? Why do they attack only those who cannot just get or stay from them? Why do they never attack anyone who can fight back?
Because they can't control themselves? Give me a break.
Why are they angels one minute in the light of day and devils the next when there will will be no witness? If they know enough to hide their behavior, they know it's wrong, hateful, and shameful. They just do it anyway. If they can control themselves when there would be witnesses, they can control themselves, period. Duh.
That's why NPD is no defense in a court of law here in the United States. Such people are not insane. Psychopaths and narcissists go to jail, whereas the truly insane are not held responsible for what they do.
Indeed, the law classes NPD as a CHARACTER disorder for the same reasons I cited above = wickedness. There is still a substantial debate about whether NPD should be classed as a character disorder or a personality disorder.
Narcissists hurt you to make themselves feel good. Because you don't count. You are a bug. You exist to be used by them to make themselves feel good. Since stomping you makes these mental three-year-olds feel mighty, they stomp you. And boy do they then feel grand.
They can't help what they feel, but they CHOOSE not to grow up, and they CAN help what they do.
If you consider the facts I mentioned above, you will see that they prove two things beyond all doubt: that naricissists know that what they're doing is wrong and that they can control themselves.
So, they are no better than some drug addict who murders you for five dollars to buy his next hit and feel good.
Not suffering victims. And I wish the obtuse would file down their pointy heads on this matter and see that already.