Saturday, March 08, 2008

The Myths about NPD

It harms the victims to tell them that narcissists are victims "suffering" from the disease, that they don't mean to hurt people, that they feel bad about it, that they are just touchy and lash out only when they feel "threatened" by you ... that it would be mean to abandon or shun them, that they aren't responsible for what they do, that it's genetic, that it's abnormal brain chemistry, that it's because you're codependent and subconsciously controlling them to make them abuse you, that it takes two to tango so that you are to blame, that society is to blame, that everyone is to blame but the freaking narcissist!

This lying must stop. One might as well tell unwitting children to come and pet the tigers.

If the mental-health establishment had a little less narcissism and a little more conscience, they'd be saying the opposite. They'd be broadcasting the warning signs and a warning people not to mess with psychopaths and other malignant narcissists, not to fall for their tricks, not to try to help them, not to try to get through to them, to just get and stay away from them.

The innocent people and animals the narcissist leaves in his or her truculent wake through life are more important. Their lives, bankrolls, careers and stolen hearts shouldn't be sacrificed to these wanna-be little gods.

Because, no matter who you are - parent, spouse, child, benefactor, best friend - you mean no more to a narcissist than a cockroach means to you. This is a hard fact to face, but one that MUST be faced.

But obviously the "caring" people don't care how many people get eaten by these predators among us, do they?

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At 9:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

They are so good in twisting the truth (=lying) and using personal information you gave them in the trust it was in caring and save hands, that even family and friends end up believing them.

The same way we believed them and wanted to believe them for so long.

It has nothing to do with codependency.
No one without the knowledge and the experience is up to a person this weird and wicked.
No one expects a human to behave this way.
It's just 'unbelieveble' for the victim and many bystanders.
So victims and bystanders want- and choose to believe them: it just cann't be thru they lie this vicious, it's impossible they think.
If they ever think about it..
I think in this way many people are manipulated to believe the N. and turn their backs on the victim.
They just donn't know what's going on.
It takes time for victims to find the truth so it will take time for bystanders also.
I found that who did came back, some after years, apologised for letting me down back then.
Me and they found out they were manipulated.
So I think the main reason is not about careing ot not careing.
It's about unbelieveble manipulation.
People just donn't know and cann't be prepared for this.
It's only when they get abused themselves they start to think.
I stopped a long time ago trying to defend myself, it's no use.
It will work against you as long as this people are under the influence of the N and donn't know what's going on.
The ones that came back to me were ashamed and I guess most will be who find out.
This is a problem also I think.
At least the ones that came back cared enough to admit it.
And this were most healing moments for me.

greetings, Gerard

At 12:16 AM, Blogger Kathy said...

I was talking about the APA and other professionals, but I see that didn't come through. I think they ought to consider the harm they're doing when they miscaracterize narcissists. They consider themselves a "caring" profession, and yet they don't seem to care about all the people a narcissist hurts.

Potential victims need to know the truth - that they hurt you on purpose and that you can't change them.

You're talking about the bystanders, and I think what you say is true in many cases. Hopefully most cases.

At 2:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're right Kathy I was thinking of bystanders in general.

But I also think this can count for professionals. Why not?
Most of them should have the knowledge but do they?
And I'am sure most of them donn't have the experience with N's the way victims have.

What I see in the field here is that many professionals focus on the grandiosity in NPD. I think they most still have Narcissus in mind from the greek sage.
Not a malignant narcissist.

And I also see a lot of narcissism also with therapists and psychiatrists.
They often act hauthy en like know-it-all-Gods.
Maybe this way they compensate their real lack of knowledge, cause there is so little they know for sure still (scienetificly).

And when you as a therapist donn't realy know and donn't want to admit it and are a bit narcissistic, gets confrontated with a narcissist?
He or she plays around with you as with a toy.
Than the therapist takes the easiest way out; blame the victim.
No confrontation with own incapebility and feeling satisfied over themselves and someone they can understand, control and blame;
the victim.


At 9:00 AM, Blogger Kathy said...

Interesting. I suspected the narcissism, although I have virtually no experience with the professionals myself. From college I remember though their narcissistic looking down on us "science types," which we always took as envy for not being able to pass a science or math or course ;-) We aren't "human," you know, just "robots."

But therapists cannot have anywhere near as much experience with narcissists as a victim does. When I think of how long it took me to catch on, I can see why they don't.

At 7:54 AM, Blogger So, what IS in a heart? said...

Just so long as THEY don't get eaten. Some of the "experts" ARE MNs. Or those who are evil cloaked in "good".

At 5:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for this comment. It's similar to an abused woman, where the abuse happens behind closed doors. . and only the abuser and the abused know what is happening. It just really throws off the abused, cause when they go out, everyone in the community only sees "the good guy". Being the abused also brings out an anger cause you are just so confused and why is no one seeing what I see and validating what I see?

I've been the abused of a narcissist. .and after two years, I'm just now getting back to a healthy point.

All I can say is that I did my best to take the high road -- it is tough, but you can live with yourself at the end!

Narcissism is a real thing! Please listen to someone who is having self-doubts about the person she is with!

At 11:19 PM, Blogger B.E.C.K. said...

I know at least three psychologists who are narcissists: my ex, a former roommate, and a friend of a friend. The last one is not malignant; he acknowledges that he's a narcissist and seems to have it managed. The first two are very dangerous. I would think there are a LOT more narcissists in the field of psychology, which may account for the problem you cited.

At 6:09 AM, Blogger Kathy said...

As a college student, I couldn't help but notice that every professor in the psychology department was quite noticably kooky. I kept telling myself it couldn't be true, but it was.

Later, I often said to myself that I knew only 1 person in the field - a clinical psychiatrist I knew socially - who wasn't kooky. And guess what? He turned out to be the kookiest of all, probably with NPD. (He took sexual advantage of female patients and insisted on using shock treatments.) A little wimp of a guy who got to be powerful on others that way.

I had a student once with serious mental problems, who spent long stints in psych wards. Guess what she told me she wanted to be when she grew up?

When you think about it, you see the allure the profession has for the mentally ill, especially psychopaths and other malignant narcissists, who are mind-game players that live by messing with other people's heads. So, I have a nagging suspicion that the profession attracts way more than its share.

Now that's just my little slice of the world. I know more about the teaching world. It attracts more than its share of two kinds: born teachers who have the ideal motive and temperament, and their foil = attention-seeking narcissitic bullies. The best and the worst, if you will. It's probably like that in psychology too. In other words, it proabably attracts both the best and the worst.

But it ain't the cream of the crop that rises to the top. The way the APA protects malignant narcissists is plainly visible for all to see. They do seem to be sympathizing with their own kind, trying to blame the victim (with that codependence pseudoscience), and making everyone else out to be crazy with their mile-long list of mental disorders that pathologize nearly everyone.

At 2:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was thinking about that list of DSM-disorders and just wondered what is the standard personality all this disorders are compared with.
I donn't know of any official discription of characteristics that define a mentaly healthy person.
If I think about it, it would be very difficult to make something like this in the way the DSM discribes disorders.
But if they discribe disorders this way at least they should be able to discribe a mentaly healthy person too I guess.
I'm sure a Narcissist can discribe a perfect person but will 'normal' people dare to attempt to make a list of standard characteristics to discribe a 'normal' person?

But still; if this people who classify all this disorders are able to do this they should be able to do the opposite too.
Then I think in the DSM there should be added a topic N.P.(Normal Personality) and a list off characteristics (at least 9 wich you should meet at least 5..)
to be classified as a
'Normal Person'.
I am a bit cinical offcourse but also wondering seriosly about this.
The specialists who write the DSM should know what a normal person is like in the first place to discribe abnormal persons.
At least they should regard themselves as healthy and normal.
And we all know Narcissist do.

greetings, Gerard


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