Thursday, January 05, 2006

Great observations in the comments

I'm really glad I started this blog. Many of the observations posted in the comments are right on and really add to this site as a resource for those trying to understand NPD. Thanks.

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At 3:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your blog. Thanks for providing this space for those of us who are aware we are dealing with narcissists. I particularly appreciate your allowing us to post anonymously.

I have just recognized a repeat behavior in two narcissists I have had to deal with that I thought I would share. In both cases I had (sigh) become a source of narcissistic supply for a narcissist. In both cases, they insisted upon one-on-one time. Time spent with them in groups did not "count" and could even "count" against their internal accounting system of the "fair" amount of time I was to spend with them. So, if we were in a group together, I might be required to "make up" for that time with them separately. One of them would state this rather baldly appealing to my sense of familial obligation, the other simply acted that way. In retrospect, it is clear they required one-on-one time to "feed" off of me.

They were each also jealous of one-on-one time I spent with others (I guess they assumed someone else was getting the feeding they deserved) and absolutely aggravated by time I sought to spend by myself (? how dare I feed myself ?). I did eventually figure this all out, but it was hard to recognize at first. They were both the Craver type of narcissist, as described in Bruce Stevens' The Nine-Headed Hydra. The only complete version on the web is at: I found this method of "typing" narcissists very helpful.

The originating website: removed the item. And a mirror site: cuts out the section on the Martyr type of narcissist.

At 3:26 AM, Blogger Nevermore said...

And we thank you Kathy. The dynamics of a narcissist is something so difficult to understand, let alone express in words, that without sites like this those who deal with them, or thankfully in my case now, have dealt with them, would have no outlet.(How's that for a run-on sentence?) So for all that frequent this site I say thank you. God Bless.

At 12:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Kathy,
After having been married to a female narcissist for almost 18 years, I really appreciate your site. It is really hard for someone who does not live with this every day to understand it. My W is in constant turmoil with my daughters. She recently went out of town to visit her sick mom & the difference in our home was palpable. Both of the girls and I enjoy knowing that we do not have to justify every breath of oxygen we take.

At 12:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for creating this blog. I am now realizing I am married to one of the coldest, emptiest monster on the face of this earth. He is successful, popular and the life of the party. At home he is like sleeping with the enemy. For years I have been trying to understand the crazy conversations, the inappropriate rage, the lack of eye contact, the turning away of his chair or staring at his drink continually through dinner; and now at last I get it. On one hand, I am terribly sad and disappointed, but on another level I also see only I can provide myself with the gift of freedom from this horrible realationship. ...and to think all of these years I worried that I was the crazy one.

At 6:06 PM, Blogger Ziji said...

The 9 headed hydra article of Bruce Stevens has disappeared so I have placed it on my web site at


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