Thursday, March 02, 2006

Dealing With Control Freaks

Don't miss this post at SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED. Here you'll find useful information and practical advice.

Here's an excerpt:

The need to control is almost always fueled by anxiety – though control freaks seldom recognize their fears. At work, they may worry about failure. In relationships, they may worry about not having their needs met. To keep this anxiety from overwhelming them, they try to control the people or things around them.

Also, though hurting you makes control freaks feel good, they do it to feel good, not to hurt you. They justify this by disregarding you, and your rights and feelings, as insignificant compared to their own -- like a little child (who must have ALL the toys ALL to herself) does.

So, don't take it personally. It isn't YOU. It's them. They'd treat anyone in your shoes the same.
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At 9:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have been ina narcissist realtionship for 6 years. i have moved out and havebeen on my own for two months, although i am feeling terrible. i have had anxiety attacks even in the middle of the night. i thik i am so afriad to be alone and i miss my N so much. he is however the most controlling person i have ever met. some of the control made me feel safe and now that it is gone i feel alone and scared. is this normal and how do you guys get past it? this weekend i have been in a fetal position crying. i feel as if the last 2 months i was kidding myself and now the reality has set in - that life alone is more miserable that some happiness with a controlling N. any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

At 10:06 AM, Blogger Kathy K said...

You just do. It's a struggle for survival. You cease to exist as a person if you are but an appendage, like a hand or foot, of someone else. Seek counseling.

Do something good for yourself every day. Exercize and Yoga help. Really. Breathing exercises. You may feel like you're climbing Mt. Everest (with altitude sickness) but just keep putting one foot in front of the other like mountain climbers do.

This shows one reason why our anger is actually adaptive and a gift of Nature to us. For the best cure for fear is anger. Who is making you afraid of the dark? Are you going to give in to that fear? Let yourself get a little mad at it, and defy it.

You can do whatever you want. You can go back. But if you do, is it a choice to go back? Or a surrender?


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