Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Argument Clinic

It's hard to take a narcissist's pathological lying, especially when it's so in-your-face that he or she lies about what transpired on that very spot two seconds ago. It's an affront to your right to see what you see, hear what you hear, and know what you know.

But if you live with a narcissist they train you let their lies pass. Indeed, did you ever try to argue about what really happened on that spot two seconds ago?

Whenerver you did, it was like a trip to The Argument Clinic in Monty Python's Flying Circus, wasn't it?

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At 8:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have literally had my exNbf spit in my face during a couple of our arguments. I later realized that he had no other way out of the argument.

One argument in particular I had found proof of his womanizing. I approached him with the proof and he didn't have any way to back out of it. He tried the ole "Projection" crap and when I called it PROJECTION he turned to me and spit in my face.

Yes, Yes, Yes it is like being in a Twilight zone when this happens. I noticed I started doubting myself and my memory. He worked and worked on twisting my mind and how I recalled events.

The harder I would hold my ground, the more childlike he became with his words and actions.

At 4:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am in a 2 yr marriage with what I believe to be an NP, he is always competing with me, (example: he is smarter, healthier, will live longer than I, and his credit is better, better driving record) and so on and so on, it never stops, we have been arguing for 2 yr due to the fact that he finally got a job after 21 mos, now you would say that he works by far harder then anyone (so says he) he is refusing intimacy and totally blaming the reasons on me "your on my back quit pressuring me" I have told him that I am not asking for more than what everone wants in first-2 years of marriage, and I paid the bills during that time, he totally dismissed the fact that I have wanted him to pay the bills, get a job, more intimacy, and it blames it all on me, talking with this "NP" is like talking to a wall, I get no response, problems remain, lack of communication, its like pulling teeth to get him to take time out for me "he is always to busy!" for a man whom doesn't work! Could this be the traits of a narsisstic personality?

At 2:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I stumbled onto your site a week ago and it's been like reading my husbands biography - although he hasn't abused our children our children in any way. However, everything else has been dead on.
My question is: If a narcissist says he will change, that he'll do what ever it takes to keep our marriage together (after his 3rd affair), what will he do if he really means it. I've kicked him out and I'm filing for divorce but even so, he still says he'll do whatever it takes to show me he will change. I don't believe it's possible but would still like to know the signs of an honest attempt. Thank you.

At 2:56 PM, Blogger Kathy K said...

About an honest attempt. I honestly don't know. A promise may be honest when it's made, but forgotten the next day. People who revise history have no trouble doing that.

There might be others who have seen a narcissist make such a promise and keep it who can contribute. I'd be interested to hear what they say.

At 4:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a great site to get insight into people that seem to enjoy evil. We have witnessed in our company a Board of director who we have finally figured out has ALL of these traits. It was a relief for all of us to understand where he was coming from and what he might do next. There are now a number of people that are starting to see through his mask. He's going to be in alot of trouble with law before too long. He doesn't fool anyone here anymore and his naivete will be his undoing.

At 12:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

One thing that I have learned...never argue with a true blown NPD. It is like running circles round and round and ending up in the same place. They claim that you don't understand, they lie and manipulate your own words and throw back the blame on to you. "How dare you accuse them!" It is maddening! The relationship is more than toxic, it is insanity. "A promise is meant to be broken," is the NPD's motto that I grew up with. I would never trust them with any personal information.

At 5:50 PM, Anonymous anne said...

I am at my wits end and feel like I am going crazy. I found a message on my my N partner's phone Can't wait to have dinner darling.x and he blatently said it wasn't true. Then he was going out for dinner with a mate on monday night and I dropped in out of teh blue, late and surprise surprise there was another woman theree with him and his mate, she was sitting next to my partner, of course nothing was going on acccording to him. Help

At 10:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My mind is about to explode.The highlights: 4 yrs with a man who always
had internet women in the side, emailing them, IMing them while engaged
to me, even actually cheating while engaged to me tho he called the
engagement off for a few days. We lived together 3 yrs , this last yr was
hell, he was bored, always starting fights, addicted to drama, I
couldn't stand it plus I have two teenage daughters who didn't need to go
thru this . I made him see a therapist, I had to go to make sure he didn't
lie, she said he was passive aggressive, a manipulator, game player and
was sabotaging our relationship.I kicked him out of my home last April,
he lived at the homeless shelter, loved in there, lots of ppl paying
attention to him especially when he would fake seizures which he's done
to me before. He's even told me if I'm sick I'll stay there longer!
Well, it didn't work, it was a church run shelter and they caught him on
the internet sending pics of his privates to a woman and asking women
for sex all AFTER we had gotten a marriage license!!! Well, to make a
REAL long story short,he went to jail for harassing us, and for domestib
violence and no trespassing. 3 months served. I also got an RO out for
him.He never hit me but he ripped my soul to shreds, my life is a
mess.Now I'm getting my life together looking for work, I'm on a dating site,
one profile has looked like him for the past few weeks but I ignored
it. Today that profile was deleted and he came back full force with the
same screen name he had before.Now he's all Mr Holy Man, oh YES!! He was
a born again Christian while cheating on me too. I can't figure this
out. His profile is "GOD FIRST, THEN FRIENDS" yet he wants to meet a
woman. What is up with the religious God stuff when in real life, he cheats
lies constantly hurts ppl with no I'm sorry,wants to have sex with
anyone and has from what I've heard and now he's sounding like a minister.
And don't tell me he's changed because I've been thru this before with

At 11:11 PM, Blogger Kathy said...

The holy act is just the wolf's sheep's clothing. It's a joke.

These people have no conscience. Truth is irrelevant to them. They would tell you that the sky is green if that would get what they want.

Nothing matters but what they want. Nothing. Not one thing. Not any more than it does to a three-year-old. It's all all about WHAT THEY WANT, period. They will tell you anything to make you trust them so they can get it.

And they are sure you are that much a fool.


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