More on dealing with anger or any painful emotion
From my point of view, one good thing about blogging is that it gives me a chance to hone a piece before placing it on the Main Site. Or to work out ideas in several posts before they come together in an article for the Main Site.
I also learn from the comments. One in particular stands out because it completely changed my mind. I had bought into the idea that narcissists have problem similar to autistic people. Someone posted to show me the difference. It's huge. These two problems are different in their very nature, though superficially they do resemble each other. Yes, both the autistic person and the malignant narcisisist filter information and have trouble relating. But underneath these two problems couldn't be more different. They are no more alike than malignant narcissism and the healthy, natural narcissism in us all or the big-headedness that comes with fame (i.e., situational narcissism) -- again things which superficially resemble each other but underneath are vastly different.
Usually though comments just bring up another aspect of something. That helps me to cover all bases.
Recently one made me see that I haven't bee clear enough about something. I had written that you can deal with your anger now or you can deal with it later, but sooner or later you have to go through it and deal with it.
Most of us have already heard how this is true with another strong emotion as well -- grief. Often we must put grief aside for awhile, especially grief for the loss of someone near and dear.
Just getting through the funeral often requires that. And when people are caught up in some other emergency at the time, they must set aside their grief to deal with the emergency. Think, for example, what would happen if people were unable to set aside their grief in the middle of a war or some natural disaster. It would paralyze them. Likewise, saving a business from failure can require setting grief aside for awhile. Our ability to do this is natural and adaptive.
We have a problem, however, when we never do get around to experiencing that grief. It becomes one of those "unresolved issues" in the subconscious, where it affects our behavior without our being consciously aware of that. The result is inexplicable and irrational behavior, motivated by a repressed emotion. That's why I call such a repressed emotion an "unseen puppetmaster."
The same is true of anger. There may be times when we must set it aside. For example, if we have difficulty "tempering" it with wisdom and a sense of of appropriate measure, we know we must set it aside and cool down or we will "lose our temper." Or perhaps we are in the middle of an emergency that requires a cool head.
Fine. But, like grief, sooner or later we have to let ourselves go through the pain of grief or anger or any painful emotion = deal with it.
Only then will it pass.