Sunday, September 10, 2006

Our conflicted feelings

I think we all feel guilty at times about our feelings -- or rather our lack of feeling -- toward the narcissist. Something inside just dies when we confront the spirit in which a narcissist does what he or she does.

That is a confrontation with the pure will to evil. You know -- the big chill. You stand on the edge of the abyss and look down into their soul and see there is no bottom. It's natural, it's human, to back off as if repelled by antigravity and abhor it. In fact, it's immoral not to.

But especially the parents and siblings of a narcissist often feel conflicted, because they sympathize deeply with the hurt little child inside the narcissist. They remember him or her. They witnessed the abuse. Just remembering it creates such a vivid experience that it enrages them all over again, 20, 30, 40 years later.

And they have occassionally caught heartbreaking glimpses of this ghost, this murdered little child inside the narcissist.

Dealing with these conflicted feelings is simply a matter of understanding them. They are natural. It's the situation that is unnatural, bizarre. That's because this hatred of the monster is directed at seemingly the same object as the love and grief for the innocent child inside.

That's just the way it is, and there's nothing we can do about it except keep clear about it and try not to confuse those feelings. The narcissist, by misidentifying, by identifying with his or her false image, has created this bizarre situation with their false and abhorrant persona.


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At 10:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

K, This post should be on your main site...I know you have a section about the child within on what makes N tick, but the way you are describing this is amazing here. I know this is an expansion of your comments/dialogue from your last posting...the comments from the last posting are very insightful too. These conficted feelling and this identification of the child inside is so so difficult to come to terms with and be at peace with.

At 4:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kathy I am just such a big, big fan of yours. Have you considered SPEAKING on this? Between your athleticism and your doggie :) where you would find the time who knows; but the Learning Annex would LLLOOVVVE you. SO darned evenhanded. May I ask something?
Did YOU have a period of time where YOU freaked out/lost it/told your N(S) exactly where to go and how to get there? Did you feel all of this shame and s***? While I certainly don't compare myself to Joan of Arc LOL, I take great solace in the idea that most saints were real s***kickers until they calmed the heck down. We know you write in your name and are respectful toward your history; but I would love to know how "bad" without gory details it got for the Author.


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