Narcissism and a Terrible Temper
Another red flag of malignant narcissist is what is commonly called "a terrible temper." In fact you can Google a certain past President for that and find a ton of results, most of them related to us by his former aides.
But that cliche, a "terrible temper," is vague. What does it mean? It implies that some people get angrier than others.
Actually, that generally isn't true. Generally, there isn't much difference in how normal people feel as a result of a particular stimulus. If it is an angering stimulus, for example, it will make all normal people feel about the same degree of anger.
Yes, there are exceptions. If a particular person has had this very sort of thing done to them willfully and wantonly in the past, he or she may be more sensitive to it. An analogy is that bruises are tender.
Another exception of course is when a particular person is under a great deal of pressure or is very tired. But even then, the difference is mainly in the EXPRESSION of EMOTION, not the actual amount of anger felt.
Some people just feel a need to express themselves more. And louder. But that doesn't mean they're really any angrier than someone who prefers to keep their feelings to themselves.
In fact, someone who lies and pretends to feel no anger (or represses consciousness of anger) may be just as angry as either of them.
So, just what is a "terrible temper?"
It's blowing up over things that no normal person would be angry over. That's a red flag. Not anger - getting angry is no red flag. But getting angry over things no normal person would get angry about - that's a red flag.
The glaringest red flag is that it's sudden anger that blows up taking the attacked by surprise.
What I like is the dimwits who then blow it off by saying, "Yesbut he gets over it quickly."
That's a BAD sign, not a good one! Another red flag.
For, it seldom means that he simply doesn't carry a grudge. It usually means that Rage Boy has two settings: Rage On and Rage Off. His anger doesn't warm up or cool down like a normal person's does.
In other words, his anger is calculated to abuse. Then he just switches masks and acts like it didn't happen. He is all smiles and sweetness the very next day. Nobody would believe that ole Two-Face was a raging maniac the afternoon before.
And you are sinner who "doesn't forgive and forget" if you don't play along and act like it didn't happen, too. Cute, eh?
Perversity is endless.
When a normal person becomes angry with you and lets you know it, he or she also lets you know exactly what you did that made him or her angry. You walk away knowing what it was all about.
But when a malignant narcissist becomes angry, his anger not only blows up out of the blue, he never tells you a thing you did to set him off. (It's always some deficiency in you that God Almighty can't tolerate.) You walk away never knowing what it was all about.
He just blew up at you because things are going badly and of course the failure can't be in him: he must must be losing because you are deficient. But what you did wrong, you'll never get to know.
Or he just blew up because someone asked him a pointed question he couldn't lie his way out of. Diversionary tactics.
Sometimes he just blows up at you for talking about the wrong thing = your free speech instead of following his script. He has a fit, for example, over you mentioning one malignant narcissist when he wants you to find narcissism only in some other person instead.
Shame on you for noticing narcissism in anyone but the person this little Hitler wants to hear raked over the coals!
A little problem with "object relations," eh?
So, there you have three examples of the absurd kind of thing a malignant narcissist blows up about. All are transparent, revealing putrid motives.
Therefore, what are you going to do to keep that kind of crackpot happy? Nothing. There's nothing you can do.
That ain't normal. You don't inadvertently set off normal people just by being the way you are, just by being there, or just by noticing or talking about someone or something other than they want you to.
That's because you must actually do something TO normal people to get them angry. They don't regard you as an object they must control with strategic outbursts of anger.
It would be impossible to overstate the significance of inappropriate anger - NOT anger ... INAPPROPRIATE anger. Rage-On/Rage-Off style anger. Anger that takes you by surprise and makes you pinch yourself. Only to be gone then - poof - as if it never happened. Take that as a red flag, a very red flag.
People like that are not wholesome. Get and stay away from them.
True, so long as their ego's interests and ours happen to coincide, things may go fine. But the moment his image is at stake, expect to be betrayed with zero regard for the consequences to you.
Because it's all about HIM. Therefore, people like that should never be given a position of trust. The only thing you can trust them to do is let you down.
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