Bye Bye Dahlia: Access Denied with a Twist of Lemon
Sam Vaknin in The Selfish Gene: The Genetic Underpinnings of Narcissism:
Is pathological narcissism the outcome of inherited traits - or the sad result of abusive and traumatizing upbringing? Or, maybe it is the confluence of both? It is a common occurrence, after all, that, in the same family, with the same set of parents and an identical emotional environment - some siblings grow to be malignant narcissists, while others are perfectly "normal". Surely, this indicates a predisposition of some people to developing narcissism, a part of one's genetic heritage.
Ohhhhhhhhhh, what a groaner! But he is innocent of it, because he is a narcissist. So, he thinks the abusive parent CAUSES the NPD of the child, that the child cannot help it, so that all the abused children in the family should have NPD unless genetics is a factor.
It never occurs to The Narcissist that there is another possibility: that the other children might turn out normal just because they CHOOSE to. Just because they chose not to hurt others. Because they chose to grow up and think straight. Because they chose to have integrity. Let's not give them any credit for overcoming the pain and abuse, eh?
That's what you do if you deny that choice has anything to do with it: you deny the abused children who didn't become narcissists the credit they deserve for that. You make them all just machines.
It never occurrs The Narcissist that the narcissistic parent might be but an influence or tempter (demon) to the child and that the child may resist and overcome that influence/temptation, choose his way of life, and therefore bear responsibility for what he is. But The Narcissist wouldn't be a narcissist if he accepted his responsibility for himself. Or if he gave credit to others for overcoming a hurdle he didn't.
narcissistic personality disorder