Narcissism: Vandalizing the Images of Other People
To create the work of art that is their grandiose false image, narcissists often cheat. That is, they don't make themselves seem great when they can get away with just making themselves look better than others the easy way = by comparison = by making others look bad.
This is why every malignant narcissist is also a character assassin. His or her line is "I'm good because So-and-So is bad." (Sound like politics?)
Therefore, any praise of other people is viewed by the perverted mind of a narcissist as a "threat" to him or her. Again, this phony "threat" is nothing but the just truth about another person. Which the perverted narcissist must "defend" himself from.
This is bogus. Those who sympathize with narcissists, saying that they act out only because they feel "threatened" should turn their brains on. If a narcissist feels "threatened" by hearing some just praise of another person, that is but a manifestation of the narcissist's malignity. No excuse at all.
What's more, how can anyone avoid "threatening" a narcissist this way? To avoid it, you'd have to speak badly of every person you mention to the narcissist. If you sin by saying something good about another person, you're guilty of the poor, "threatened" narcissist's negative reaction? Give me a break.
Narcissists are not really threatened. It takes twisted thinking to view their behavior as a reaction to being "threatened." Narcissists are twisted, so they at least have an excuse for such twisted thinking. Narcissist sympathizers are not and therefore have no excuse for perverting the course of logic a full 180 degrees. Such sloppy thinkers obviously don't even bother to know what a "threat" is.
Overall, individuals high in narcissism displayed amplified responses to social comparison information, experiencing greater positive affect from downward comparisons and greater hostile affect from upward comparisons.
— Bogart, L.M., Benotsh, E.G. and Pavlovic, J.D. (2004), Feeling Superior but Threatened: The Relation of Narcissism to Social Comparison, Basic and Applied Social Psychology, Vol. 26, Iss. 1, pp. 35-44.
This is why one of the most evident warning signs of NPD is vandalizing the images of others. Which is often done very slyly, so as to sneak bad ideas about other people into your head.
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Precisely. This is a tactic, done so subtly the family didn't even notice - employed by my Nmom. I have only recently discovered, through talking to her sister - and actually getting to know her - just how much mom lied about her. Offhand comments, here and there, that led to a twisted perspective of what her sister was like - what her motives were. My mom came close to having me believe that the entire rest of the family were absolute monsters to her. Their worst sin? Standing up to her and calling her on her 3-year-old temper tantrums.
I'm am a little ticked that my mom estranged me from my extended family this way - starting when I was very little. Some of them have died and there is no way to repair that loss. Others "don't want to talk about it." But for a few of us, the blinders are coming off and we are not amused. ;-)
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This reminds us of a huge tactic of cyberpaths once caught. Suddenly, the horrible wife/ partner who 'didn't love' them becomes the most wonderful person in the world whom the cyberpath LOVES totally.
They then compare them with the horrible victim who dared to expose them; the victim who is a scorned/ psycho/ whore/ stalker - compared to their wonderful wife or partner.
Makes the victim look pretty bad.
But of course, the ONLY ONES making this comparison is the PREDATOR. The victim remains just as innocent, vulnerable and good as they were - it is the cyberpath's purposeful comparison to make the victim look morally equivalent to their evil - or worse.
After everything I’ve been through w/my soon to be ex N husband, the one thing that gave me a little satisfaction is justice/exposing him for what he truly is.
After living with him for 3 years I’ve gotten to learn the things “normal” people do that can trigger him into a narcissistic rage, and have been able to use his own tactics against him. It’s usually something ridiculous like me giving someone else a compliment, laughing at another persons joke, or giving a tiny contradiction to something he said, something no one else would ever pick up on. After a few of these moves, he is seething and ready to blow. It’s especially entertaining to do in public or when his family is around. He is the most predictable person I’ve ever met.
At least that gave others a glimpse of what he really is, even though they could never fully understand unless they’ve lived it. Even though people (including his own family) have a very good idea there is something seriously wrong, everyone seems to forget when that charming personality comes back out, and he still manages to convince people I’m the bad guy. I think part of the reason (why at least he does this), is because he knows I’m not going to keep quiet about his actions and he wants to beat me to the fence. I think as Kathy said others do question what is really going on because they are hearing 2 sides of the story one of which is the person/friend they “think” they know and the other is myself, the one they don’t know so well and are hearing accusations made upon.
In the end it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks but myself, but knowing I’ve at been able to show people “hey, something’s not right with this guy” that eases my mind.
It’s amazing to read other posts and see how similar these people are.
Mine often bragged about never telling a lie, but what he does do is take 1 piece of a story twist, warp, and manipulate this one thing and turn it into something to make him look good and me look bad.
For example he broke up with me and kicked me out of his house, I then started dating someone. His story, I cheated on him and left him for another man.
Another example, he was horrible at keeping track of finances/paying bills, he always thought the bank was making errors on his account. Once we got married we opened a checking account since I am very organized and responsible when it comes to money….I should have seen it coming a mile away, he started accusing me of stealing money even though I had bank records to prove every transaction (which were 90% his). Wouldn’t you think he would want to see those statements and prove me wrong? Nope, he would rather hang onto the delusion that I was a thief and am sure he has told that to someone.
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