Friday, April 06, 2007

Portrait of a Narcissist

Poring over my server logs, I came upon a referrer in Denmark and clicked back. Unfortunately, I know of no online translators for Nordic languages (though you'd surprised how much of it echos in Saxon English). But there is really no language barrier here. This portrait of a narcissist says it all to anyone in any language!

Enjoy :)

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At 1:27 PM, Blogger JL said...

Please consider doing a blog on COMPENSATORY NPD. Granted, there's not a huge difference between the two, but I think it worthwhile to cover this flavor.


At 1:52 PM, Blogger Kathy said...

That's all I've been doing. I think all NPD is compensatory. It's all an act to compensate for low self esteem. I think the people proposing this theory that compensatory narcissists are some special kind (who actually feel inferior, not superior) are just folks who somehow just don't get it.

Probably because they take narcissists' word for things.

"Compensatory" describes ALL people with NPD I think. I think these folks missed the boat on NPD. They have it confused with mere haugtiness, with mere acquired situational narcissm. They should read the criteria again. "Exploiting people (such as assassinating their character to improve your own image)." Those aren't just words. That is malignant, not just a fat head. "Lack of empathy." That isn't just words, either. That is malignant.

If deep down inside I feel like dirt, I can repress that knowledge and pretend I don't. I can act like I have a high opinion of myself. This game of pretend has me consciously feeling 99% of the time like I am a superior being, a god compared to all the lowly insignificant worms around me. Because I am delusional. My delusions of grander are my way of compensating for my inferiority complex.

Not too complex. It's just dissimulation of your true self.

But the buried truth, the buried feelings of inferiority keep trying to surface to consciousness on me, like a corpus delicti that won't stay buried. That is why a narcissist must keep on putting his delusional ACTING JOB of grandiosity and superiority. It's an anti-dote for consciousness of the truth and its pain. Ns hecttically try to keep themselves convinced (by the stupid games they play) that what they know deep down inside about themselves isn't true.

On this I agree with Vaknin. I have seen it.

These folks inventing this new brand of narcissm have missed the boat on NPD I think. They think narcs actually DO have inflated self esteem.

Well yes they do, but only in their dreams.

I think they are confusing having a fat head (mere acquired situational narcisssism, which isn't malignant and isn't a personality disorder and doesn't abuse your children even) with NPD.

At 7:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

narcissism and NPD are two different things. you can tell when someone is misusing the terms. the more the words get thrown about the less i think people are going to understand NPD and we will struggle that much harder to have OUR experiences understood. people will nod and 'ah yes' us but still not get what we are talking about. i haven't finished thinking thru this yet but sometimes i define a difference by saying nism is annoying but NPD is scary, (insidious, corrosive, truly harmful...) my N isn't just narcissistic- he is a Narcissist. it's not just a mannerism. it's a state of being extremely twisted. it's not going to go away- it's not just a passing casual thing. it's very deeply can't be summed up in a wave of a hand. it is a disorder- everything about him is disordered. he is not like us in any way. (he has turned himself into an alien and he is copying us trying to gather information to do a research paper to turn into his planet's authorities in order to get a really shiny medal because no one here on this planet appreciates him) sorry. i'm just really mad at him right now. jt

At 7:52 PM, Blogger JL said...

There's a huge difference in DETECTING a compensatory vs. a classic. A classic is OVERTLY talking about themself and their inflated accomplishments, etc.

A compensatory CAN bring up painful things from their past. They can also bring up happy past experiences.

Ultimately, the malignant self-love is still there and THAT part of the M.O. is the same.


At 10:54 PM, Blogger Kathy said...

JT, the neighbors halfway down the block must have heard me laughing!

What was that? Foxhole humor?

It was perfect - the segue into that last line.

BTW, I agree. That's why people don't get it.

At 11:18 PM, Blogger Kathy said...

JL, that is a "theory." More pure hypothesizing like the genetics hypothesizer. Gets a lot of attention.

I think he is making a distinction where there is none. I explain it on the Main Website, so I'm not going to repeat it here.

Where does he get the idea that anyone with NPD has a truly high opinion of themselves?

Just because one talks about painful things in his past on any given day and another doesn't they must have different diseases? Wrong. The same N may be one way today and the other tommorrow. He will do whatever act profits him in the given situation. He will be one way in the confessional and another way on the shrink's couch and another at home and another way in the neighborhood tavern.

Your "classic" narcissist is just narcissistic, not a narcissist = not malignant and not with the twisted mind of an NPD.

If that's what people think NPD is, no wonder they take it so lightly.

People with NPD are not just fatheads. They are predators, predators, predators like psychopaths. NPD is compensatory for low esteem. That idea of the "classic" narcissist is a misunderstanding of NPD which comes from very shallow understanding and a failure to grasp the serious of the abuse.


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