Acting for Your Own Good
Here is a bit more on your right to act for your good.
Even a criminal who is guilty of a crime cannot be forced to confess and thereby do himself harm. His right to self preservation, to a defense is THAT sacred. In the United States, our forefathers gave us this right, and specified the right to pursue happiness, because they detested the practice in Europe of denying these rights. To the point that the condemned had to kneel down in an act of begging their executioner to be executed by torture. The condemned had to offer himself up for torture (or he'd get it worse) and even had to PAY their executioner in this sick public ritual.
That is just wrong. I don't care how guilty the man was. That violated a Law of Nature. It's the Sin of Sodom (ask a theologian).
Again for example, anyone with an ounce of moral sense knows that you don't have to refrain from defending yourself just because someone else might get hurt if you do.
Frankly, it amazes me how devoid of moral sense many professionally pious prigs are.
They think you have no right to divorce your poor, poor abuser who would then be all alone and sad (sniff, sniff). It's the same with an abusive parent: shame on you if you break off relations with him or her. They think you must appear before your lifelong abuser regularly for more abuse, just because Mom or Dad is old now (= by definition "good" in thoughtless people's eyes). They think you have no right to defend yourself against character assassination by answering the accusations so as to show that they are projection. They think you have no right to lift a finger in your own defense or in the defense of other innocents.
In short, they think you must refrain from any negative reinforcement of abuse. Think what that means. You mustn't do anything that would tend to make your abuser stop it, or at least think twice before abusing you again. Whose side are they on?
In fact, they don't even stop at that: they make it a sin for you to even just get and stay away from your abuser. How sick is that?
They just slap the label "revenge" on anything you do to protect yourself and call you the "evil" one. In other words, they think you are to bend over for abuse. It's all they will allow you to do.
And if you disobey them, they will call YOU the sinner. And the kicker is what they DON'T SAY = any bad word about your abuser. Listen for one: you won't hear a single condemnatory word out of them about what HE has done.
They are a large part of the reason why narcissists get away with the things they do. They are his proxies, the audience he plays to. The self-righteous.
You have to have the backbone to stand up to them. For your own sake, or you will damage your relationship with yourself by betraying yourself to avoid their condemnation. You WILL soon hate yourself for doing so.
And that's what's wrong with a narcissist: deep down he actually hates himself. So, don't let him drag you down there into that abyss with him. Love yourself. You cannot love anyone else unless you do. And love is an action verb, not just a fleeting warm and fuzzy sentiment.
BUT, unless you get away from a narcissist - no contact - you will be confronted with the choice of fighting back or bending over for it every single day. Because a narcissist is a machine who will go just as far as you let him. If, for example, he knows he doesn't dare physically beat you, he will resort to mental cruelty. He will ALWAYS find a way to feed his addiction by taking a bite out of you.
So, you don't want to stay in the crucible that has you fighting back every time you turn around. Life is too short. But that doesn't mean that fighting back is wrong when something important like your self respect, career, or good name is on the line. Fight back and then get away so you never have to fight with the N again.
narcissistic personality disorder narcissism