Monday, May 21, 2007

Narcissism's One-Track Mind

One thing people who haven't known a narcissist for a very long time and intimately don't realize is that narcissists give new meaning to the term "one-track mind." They are always on.

They may keep a lid on it with their boss and/or other people they don't dare treat as they would like, but the proof lies in how they treat the people they can play games with.

They are in game-playing mode 100% of the time. Everything, every interaction with them is viewed and treated by them as some sort of worthiness competition.

The childishness is something one must see to believe, and even then it's unbelievable. I went for decades before I finally had to admit that the narcissists I knew were so petty and childish that their game got all the way down to such silly things as having to have YOU call THEM, no matter what, just to support their delusions that YOU were the "needy" one. Yes (projection), YOU were the one who needed an ear to talk off. They were dying to talk at you about themselves, but it would have killed them to come down off that pedestal and pick up the phone. So, when you finally did call for some reason, you hardly had "hello" out of you your mouth before you were done talking and just listening for the next three hours.

But that's just one example. I could name hundreds of these childish games they play with virtually any everyday human interaction.

They are God, so they can't dispretend that by owing you anything. That would be a come-down from their grandiosity. Nor can they be in the wrong in any matter with you. They are perfect, and you are relative dirt. And EVERY SINGLE THING THAT HAPPENS MUST PROOVE THAT.

If you choose to live with a narcissist, you are choosing to tolerate having everything that happens twisted so it seems to proove that.

God can't apologize, because God can't do anything wrong. God can't thank you for anything, because no mere piss ant can do the great God a favor. Ask to so much as borrow a pen and the narcissist will find some way to play the interaction as a schtick for their own self-aggrandizement. Which usually means some sort of put-down for you = the Teeter Totter Game.

That's what they do. That's how they survive. That's what they live for. Pure, unadulterated, and utterly foolish vanity, period.

It's amazing that they don't at least get bored with this stupid game!

But they don't. And this is why they do stupid things. They are always preoccupied with the Game and not considering the matter at hand, let alone the possible future consequences. They really shouldn't be given the the rights and priviledges of an adult I sometimes think, because I strongly doubt that they mentally qualify as one. Like kids, they are lost in their own little world and don't think past lunch.

This is strange, but true. Truth is always stranger than fiction with these folks.

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At 9:47 PM, Anonymous Barbara said...

The projection and "Backwards Talk" is unreal.

My late NMom had a few favorite phrases. The one that springs to mind here is:

"You live your whole life just to hurt me"

This was 3 years after I'd moved out, 6 hours away from her, had my own home & salary. At the time my response was "Mom, when I make choices - trust me - YOU are the LAST thing I think about."

Which of course, pissed her off even more.

At 12:40 PM, Blogger avolokitisvara said...

i found that so be so insightful. my experience was like this 'even though she was a 34 year old woman listen to her was like being back in high school. i mean every thought in her head was like it was being spoken by a teenager, a 14 year old.

At 12:41 PM, Blogger avolokitisvara said...

one more thing, I found projecction to be amazing. It actually told me what she was REALLY thinking as opposed to the drivel she would say out her mouth, which I was supposed to believe.
Backward talk? explain...

At 3:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

At the beginning of the relationship with my N. ,it must have been on her fourth date when I paid for his coffee and cake, and i got an unexpected reaction from him, "Why did you that ?" almost with an angry voice and then noticing that I was taken aback, he mumbled " I suppose that on a situation like people just say thank you " remembering what normal people do.Notice that it is not the same as saying thank you " people would say thank you" but not him because he is not ordinory people.


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