Additional Considerations About the Children
I am not arguing a case here, but I am brainstorming things for the non-narcissistic parent to consider when deciding whether to divorce a narcissist.
There are many angles to consider. I laid out many of the practical considerations on the main website and in the book in the topic "Must I Leave Him?"
An additional one is for a male non-narcissistic parent. Traditionally the courts have been biased against the father in custody battles. In fact, narcissists are such cunning con artists that the courts VERY often buy into a narcissistic father's character assassination of the mother to win custody. So, if mothers lose custody battles with a narcissist, fathers have even less chance of seeing justice.
There are, however, attorneys now specializing in such cases. They know how to get the job done.
One thing I'd suggest is being very careful not to push a narcissist's battle-you-for-custody button. From what I've seen, they don't want the kids. I have seen them devastate their children by just walking away forever. Even when the narcissist is the mother.
This might not be true in all cases. But I suspect it's often just the narcissist's competitive impulses that make them battle for custody, because a narcissist MUST ALWAYS WIN. Everything is a game, and the narcissist must ALWAYS WIN. They MUST. They are compulsive about it. They just could not bear to have you "win."
I don't know - you might even try reverse psychology. But in any case, I wouldn't let anger slip and make any remarks about him or her having the children taken away. Then the narcissist will have to fight for them.
Another consideration: narcissists often sucker their children too (though kids seem to have better judgement than the courts). At least for awhile. Think, how will your children feel someday when they realize that their narcissistic parent's victim act made them feel sorry for him/her, view YOU as the bad guy, and turn against you, thus effectively HELPING him abuse you in what amounts to a ganging up?
Can you imagine their shame and guilt? When they see what they have done, they will want to just roll over and die. That will be a demon at their door, blocking a wholesome relationship with you.
Sure, they were just children who were suckered. But such betrayal of their one loving parent is something Oedipal for them to deal with.
narcissistic personality disorder narcissism