Imagine that you are a narcissist

Imagine that you are a narcissist. Remember, to do this, you must do everything you do solely for effect: to draw a reaction from others that gets what you want from them. No other consideration matters to you.

Remember also that you have this unbearable pain inside, the pain of unbearable shame. All your life you have felt like you're inferior, not up to standards, worthy of contempt. But you keep awareness of that at bay by playing pretend that the opposite is true = that you are god and that the rest of humanity (except for the very special people like you) are dirt beneath your feet.

So, 99% of the time, that's what you think you are - a god. It's self delusion.

But every time someone in your workplace or family treats you like an ordinary man or woman and as their equal, worthy of your consideration and respect, they are challenging your precious delusions of superiority.

You HATE that! Because every time they relate to you as a man, they inadvertently remind you that you are not a god. And that makes those true feelings you have repressed surface to consciousness on you.

You must stop that from happening! So, in terror, you instantly ATTACK anyone who inadvertently says or does something that reminds you that you are not God.

Like a three-year-old playing Pretend with her friends, you stamp your foot and yell (in so many words), "NO! You're not supposed to say THAT! You're supposed to say THIS!"

You thus train the people around you not to say or do anything that conflicts with your delusions of superiority, breaking the enjoyable spell those delusions have you under. That is, you train poeple to play along with your script in your game of Pretend.

But you cannot stop everything from happening that calls your true feelings to consciousness. And they are too painful.

So, you go berserk with the pain whenever they start to surface, wildly doing anything you can to instantly repress them to the subconscious again. I often liken this subconscious-burying behavior to someone frantically shoving dirt on a corpus delicti to keep it buried in one of those old horror movies.

You will do anything - ANYTHING - to prevent a moment of self awareness! Because you have this dark, unutterable terror that it would kill you. Really, you are that frantically afraid of seeing your true self in a mirror.

So, you are playing Pretend 100% of the time. 24-7-365.

You pretend that you are not lowdown by pretending the antidote = pretending that you are a god. And you pretend that you are a god by treating others like dirt.

That HURTS them,

You pretend that you are not amoral by pretending the antidote = pretending that you are a saint. And you pretend that you are saint by portraying others as sinners.

That HURTS them. The slander you spread about them ruins their lives and careers.

And so on and on and on and on.

It's just the Teeter Totter Game. There are a hundred such pretences in it, and this is your life = vaunting yourself on others whenever you can and get away with it.

Bottom Line: You kill your pain by causing others pain. (In other words, like a three-year-old, you pretend that you can transfer it to others.) You glorify your image by trashing others' image.

You don't give a damn how much you are hurting others.

In other words, you exploit people, brutally as unfeeling and inhuman as a psychopath about the pain and damage you are doing to them by this. You thus make others bleed just to maintain your delusions and keep you from knowing yourself as you are.

Others must bleed so that you can feel good, so that a moment of self awareness doesn't make you just kill yourself.

Is that not exactly what the predator thinks? The wolf thinks the lamb must bleed so that he can eat and live. The wolf thinks that this is what lambs exist for - to feed HIM.

And that's what predators, like sexual predators, child predators, pyschopaths, and other brands of narcissists think other people exist for = to FEED them.

To kill all human sympathy in themselves (which would make it impossible for them to do what they wanna do), they just pretend that others are inferior beings, like bugs. Hence they don't relate humanly to their human victims. They relate to them as but objects existing for the narcissist's sake, for the narcissist to use and abuse as thoughtlessly and unempathically as one would exploit and abuse a screwdriver.

I don't think anyone seriously doubts anymore that this is the kind of warped person that inspired the myth of the vampire. It's just a symbolic way of representing what people with NPD go through life doing to "survive" their malignant self hatred.

By projecting it onto others. Even their own children.

But what if you get into trouble for doing these things? What if you end up before a judge or in a psychiatrist's office? What if the neighbors find out and start looking at you askance?

Remember, you do everything solely for effect, to get the reaction you want out of these people.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what you will do. You will just switch masks. Now you put on your "victim" mask. Your "Who-poor-little-old-me?-I-wouldn't-hurt-a-fly" act. What better place for the devil to hide? Now you whine about what a wretched childhood you had. Now, so that people don't realize that you are just a predator who attacks any vulnerable prey in sight, you say that the victim hurt your poor, poor, tender feelings and that you were just lashing out in self defense.

What happened to your God-act?

You just put that away for the time being, because it won't get you what you want from people under the current circumstances.

Besides, it's funny. Your own private inside joke.

Technorati Tags:
narcissistic personality disorder