Friday, June 01, 2007

Narcissistic Predation

A narcissist's need to "have it all," all attention - all regard, all glory, all praise - the need to have it all is the need to deprive others of any. When you deprive others of good things, to the point that you deny then even a pittance of these good things, as though you need to hoard every last bit of it on earth to yourself, you ARE a predator.

By depriving people of what they NEED - love, acceptance, regard, respect, a good name and so forth - you are denying them what all people need as much as they need the air they breathe.

You are denying them necessities of life to hog it all to yourself.

That is a hostile act. It damages those people you deprive. That makes you a predator, a plunderer. No two ways about it. Predators never identify with their prey. Predators dare not have any feelings for their prey.

This is what makes malignant narcissists and psychopaths so inhuman to their victims.

See Predation at the Main Site and in the book.

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At 1:39 AM, Anonymous Barbara said...

They also will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to silence anyone who speaks out about them.

They HATE the word "predator" when applied to them - but that's what they are!

At 2:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of the many evil things my family narcissist did to steal and deny glory and accomplishment was to tell this lie about his own wife:

When she graduated from college with good grades (he never went), he told family members (and probably anyone else who would listen) behind her back that the only way she managed to do that was because he wrote all her papers for her. Gosh, I guess she just got lucky on all the exams?

At 10:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi everyone! I'm French and I'm so glad I found this web site since in France there is little about NPD or malevolent narcissism although my psy told me I had a relationship with ' un pervert narcissique' which must be the French equivalent.I was wondering about NPD and bisexuality since my psychologist told me they often were bisexual or some 'self-sexual' ! I felt all the more shocked and fooled when i found out that he lied to me even about his sexuality since he told me he was gay and later I discovered he had an ex wife and two children.During our ' non-relationship' I noticed that he wanted to seduce anyone, women, men, old or young ! He never had enough.My shrink told me they got another benebit when they attracted someone of the same gender. What do you say ?

At 12:17 PM, Blogger Kathy said...

Hi Anonymous from France,

I have read similar things about narcissists from various sources. In the Ns I have known well enough to gather much about their sex life, I have seen strong signs of something strange about their sexuality, but I could never put my finger on just what it was.

I know of one, and probably two, who are almost certainly frigid. Lesbian? In the one case you would have some reason to wonder, but not in the other really. If so, she'd have to be bisexual.

I know of one N man who had no interest in sex. He didn't cheat on his wife except through pornography (it was his way of being unfaithful to her time and again after promising to get rid of it ten times).

I have read in several sources that Ns may be tempted to incest. This is supposed to be because they think nobody is worthy of them. Nobody but someone perfect, like themselves. This is what's supposed to make them desire sex with themselves. I think of it as an almost mystical desire for union with God = their image in the mirror.

That makes sense: they want that image to BE them. They have to work hard to maintain the delusion that it is them. So, it stands to reason that they should have a compelling desire for union with their IMAGE (which they identify with), thus oblitering their true miserable self inside.

In any case, I have read that desire for sex with themselves tempts them to incest with their children, since the N's own children are formed of his own substance.

Bizarre. I can't get my head around it, so I don't know what to make of it all. But the impression I have gotten from observing Ns is that they don't care much about sex except as (a) conquest, (b) betrayal (they seem to need to betray their spouse JUST to show anti-respect for that spouse), or (c) with a proxy for themselves.

So, I suspect that who they have sex with matters little to them - man, woman, child, or elderly person. Therefore, I bet you are right about that guy.

Nonetheless, it's just my guess. Others may know more.

At 12:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for your answer. you're right about their caring only for the conquest, to make you surrender that what really turns them on, but from my experience with my xN. they dread those moments of intimacy during sexual intercourses because they are afraid of fusion and emtions.So mine felt like he was not there anymore, I was just with a cold body or even a robot, very weird !

On top of that he always managed to make me feel bad or even guilty afterwards and wanting to persuade me that I was too much into sex ! Anyway most of time he found a way to postpone it and withdraw it ( like with everything else that you could feel good about according to what I could read here ) So now it makes sense to me, because I kept wondering why He was always asking me, " are you disappointed if we don't... are you sad" when he could not make it, do you feel frustrated? when plans were changed, NOW I get it and understood why he was not that pleased when I said I did not mind or it was not a big deal,I was not supposed to react like this !

At 1:46 AM, Blogger Sue said...

Just this weekend, My N took me to a beautiful posh restaurant. On leaving, he asked "how did you feel in there"? Going on to say, "did you feel out of place when you saw how the other women had made so much effort on their appearance"? I felt very put down, I had dressed nicely and put on make up, I hadn't even noticed the other ladies, I was spending all my attention on him! This is not an uncommon tactic that he uses to make me feel 'Ugly' He also knows that I have very low self esteem, because he keeps telling me I do.


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