The Secret of Control Tactics
About that book....
Here's a bit of serendipity. I created an illustration to show why tennis players try to control the tempo of play. Lo and behold! that illustration has other uses!
For example, why did John McEnroe interrupt what by the rules is supposed to be "continuous play" for long periods, so that a match didn't continue until he personally allowed it to? Why do some players even turn and speak to spectators, bossing them around? Telling them where to sit and when they may move? Why do some players presume to judge the linespersons' vision and inner motives or intents? Why do they judge the judges of their own performance (i.e., the officials)? Why do they stall and press to control the tempo of play? In other words, why are they control freaks?
It's all psychological control tactics. What are control tactics for?
Their purpose is to suggest superiority. It's just a superiority act. The same as with your narcissist.
The purpose of control tactics is to create the illusion of superiority. Superiority is suggested by control, which is suggested by control tactics. This is a mental trick. You must allow the presumption for it to work. But our natural desire to avoid conflict tempts us to do just that, and controllers rely on it.
So, they PRESUME the right to control things they have no right to control (like your feelings and thoughts), and if you don't confront the imposition, asking them who they think they are, you are playing the role of an inferior with respect to them.
So there -- it's not such a mystery after all.
Note that they thus steer a collision course toward conflict, while normal people try to avoid it. Narcissists don't mind conflict. They use it. It's a tool that serves them well, because we hate it and try to avoid it. So, they cross you with the threat of it at every turn. What do you think? What do you feel? What will you wear today? Whatever -- the narcissist goes into Imperious Mode and acts like God mad at you for breaking one of his 10 commandments.
To avoid their wrath, you just let them have their way. Then brat is instantly all smiles.
Which is why they like conflict. They confront you with it (or the threat of it) constantly to control you.
In fact, what HUMAN being is supposed to have such rights with respect to us? The right to judge us. The right to determine what we may think and feel?
None, right? Those are (ownership) rights reserved for a god.
And that is why scripture calls letting others do this "idolatry."
narcissistic personality disorder narcissism