Thursday, November 29, 2007

Thanks for the Thanks

I want you to know that I really appreciate the thanks I receive in the comments and in email. It is still the most valuable reward in doing this. There's nothing I'd rather hear than that a victim has at last found comfort instead of the troublesome comfort of the 6 billion Job's Comforters that swarm all over this planet, serving as a proxy for the narcissist - useful idiots involved in a virtual conspiracy with him or her to blame the victim.

And when even the mental health profession gets in on the act, something is dreadfully wrong.

I'm beginning to think that George Bernard Shaw was right when he said that most people don't think but once or twice a year, which is why he was able to build a considerable reputation by just bothering to think once or twice a week.

Therefore, use your own head. What the vast crass mass of weathervane minds think is rot, and you know you know it. They are nothing but social insects, getting their memes from the buzz the same way bees do when a forager comes back to the hive and does her little bee dance to indicate where the nectar is.

Not one bit of rational thought is involved in the process, and what you end up with is a collective = a swarm = a mob.

So, ignore them. It's OK to know that you needn't be a saint to be worthy of decent treatment. And by "indecent treatment" I am not talking about a complaint about how the steak is done: I am talking about abuse. Like as in 'you are a worthless hunk of shit because this steak isn't done to perfection.' There is no justification, however partial, for ABUSE. Ever. I don't care how badly that steak is done. Let the shitheads get that straight already.

This is why, though the abuse has provoked you at times to say or do something wrong, something you are ashamed of, that is BESIDE THE POINT, because it doesn't excuse the narcissist one bit. It doesn't put one bit of the blame for the abuse on you. So, ditch it. It ain't yours.

The abuse is HIS conduct, not yours. Let him grow up and quit blaming you for it. Just take care of your own conduct. You can't control his. Well, let me qualify that: if you are capable of beating him up and getting away with it, you can make him stop abusing you. Because he is just a bully.

But you can't get him to stop by connecting with the inner person in him. There ain't one. He identifies with his image reflected in mirrors. You can't evoke any feelings for you from him, because he refuses to have any. If he ever allowed himself to have human feelings, the predator would starve. So, don't try to get blood out of a turnip.

And your FEELINGS are certainly not sins. It's irrational to think so. People just make your feelings out to be sins because they want you to repress them so they don't have to look at your sad face and feel guilty about their turning a blind eye to what is being done to you.

That is betrayal.

They show their hypocrisy by the double-standards they apply. For example, they blame you for your feelings, morally condemning you for having them, as though feelings are some sort of character flaw. But they don't blame the narcissist for his feelings, do they? No, never. If you haven't already noticed this, just pay attention and you'll see that it's true. According to them you are to blame for the N's feelings too, which they never condemn.

Ask these eggheads what they think fairness is, and after a lengthy jaw drop, they'll say something to the effect that it is being as unfair as possible in order to dump half the blame on the wholly innocent party and then say that "It takes two to tango."

So, if you want to go crazy, just respect the eggbeater logic of all the witless wonders in this carnival of insanity. They use their heads for nothing but garbage dumps, so don't go thinking there's anything worth listening to in there.

Despite the narcissist's blatant inhumanity, they fall for his line that he is human because he has hurtable feelings. If that wasn't so pathetic it would be hilarious.

Note that any warm-blooded animal has feelings FOR ITSELF.

Sheesh. Feeling sorry for yourself isn't humanity. Humanity is treating others humanly. It requires human feelings FOR OTHERS.

It is just plain stupid to think that crybabying (because your victim divorced you, leaving you without a punching bag) is "being human."

For every malignant narcissist out there, there are at least dozens of victims lying trashed in his or her truculent wake through life. Forgive me all to hell, I don't feel sorry for the narcissist: I feel sorry for his or her victims. Especially those doomed to a 20-year sentence in the dungeon of a narcissistic parent's low regard.

What the victims need is comfort. But obviously that's too much to ask of most people and even many therapists. Because they give you nothing but the unforgivable "comfort" their kind gave Job.

Comfort: to fortify, embrace, strengthen, build up or raise up. But their brand of "comfort" does just the opposite. It's just their way of taking advantage of what the N did to kick the victim when he or she is down.

Don't accept this garbage. Use your own head. Run a logic check on everything you hear, and that includes everything from me. Let no one do your thinking for you. That's the difference between rational people and eggheads: rational people have minds of their own and think for themselves. Eggheads just thoughtlessly absorb any old nonsense blowing in the wind. They make useful idiots for every narcissist in town.

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At 8:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

EXCELLENT article kathy-jt

At 8:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

The 'vast crass mass' deserves a prize, all by itself.

Isn't it lovely to reach the point where you're finally free to believe the things that you can plainly see!

Thank you for sharing your vision.

At 1:20 AM, Blogger FIGHTER2 said...

Kathy you deserve thanks and so much more.

Boy are you right on about mental health professionals - like the Dr. Phils of the world. Today we were interviewed on FoxTV and Dr. Keith Ablow made every effort to pathologize US for using a pseudonym rather than sticking to the problem at hand:

Holding a pathological person accountable!!

We too live for the thanks - not for our egos - but we know we've prevented a couple suicides, directed victims to counseling and most of all VALIDATED them when the narcissistic predator turned their lives & world inside out.

If we could Kathy - we'd send you a fluffy warm Blanket & Robe there in Wisconsin, too!

At 4:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Kathy,
Thanks for your excellent site and blog, I love your no-nonsense hard hitting approach.
Like most people who come here ( I suspect ) I only found out about N.P.D. when it was too late, and I was looking for answers to explain why someone was behaving the way they were. Suddenly, everything became clear and made sense. What I find difficult is trying to get others to see what is going on, they just don't get it, and this is something that you refer to many times. Without the knowledge about N.P.D. it is easy to gloss over the many red flags. I remember how, as I read about this dis-order, all the little things that had struck me as odd suddenly had an explanation, but when you try to explain it to others, they just think that you are the crazy one.
I wish that N.P.D. had a high profile, like paedophilia, so that society knew what to look out for, recognise it, and could condemn it in the same way.


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