When Narcs Attack
Professionals often say that narcissists "overreact" to the merest unintended slights and that they fly into a rage for the slightest reason. But this view seems anthropomorphic to me. I suspect it comes from forgetting that the narcissist on your couch is a pathological liar.
The truth is that narcissists attack for no reason. In fact, they are prompted to attack by anti-reasons.
Of course the narc on your couch says he did it in self defense! He whines that the victim said or did something to slight him or anger his tender, tender feelings. Were you born yesterday? Narcissist = pathological liar. So, why do you expect him to confess to you that he is a predator = one who attacks any vulnerable target of opportunity?
I would hate to admit how long it took me to discover this, but in my experience, what triggers a Narcissist Attack is nothing but a vulnerable target of opportunity.
Test narcissists. Parade bait before them when the coast looks clear so that the narc thinks later it will just be his word against the victim's. Then watch what happens.
You can push his Attack button by having the victim be very vulnerable, like say by showing great affection for the narcissist and giving a heartfelt plea for some in return. (Rather like a man I knew who asked a narcissist to marry him and got eviscerated for it.)
How does the narcissist react to what should evoke his love and affection? With a savage attack, that's how. Rather like any wild predator when you ring the dinner bell for it by giving it a swipe at a defenseless creature's soft underbelly.
Except that natural predators must be hungry at the time.
On second thought, I guess narcissists have to be hungry, too. But they always are. For, they have the kind of hunger that increases the more you feed it.
So much for the theory that narcissists are just too touchy. They ain't touchy at all.
Test that too. Indeed, try to provoke a narcissist. You can't. Go ahead, try.
The only way to get yourself a raging narcissist is to tempt it with defenseless bait when it thinks no one is watching.
Now that you have your narcissist raging, do one more thing. Have the victim rise up rage right back it its face.
Guess what happens? Presto chango! Rage off!
Instead of a raging narcissist, you now have a poor little meek and gentle angel who wouldn't hurt a fly and is heartbroken at the victim being so nasty.
Welcome to The Twilight Zone. I call this miraculous phenomenon "The Transfiguration."
I am not exaggerating. You witness the instantaneous substitution of one persona for its very antithesis in the blink of an eye. You don't know whether to pinch yourself or start throwing holy water at it. Because an Academy Award winner couldn't do that that fast.
It stuns you and gives you the creeps. Indeed, one facial expression doesn't melt into the other: the whole mask changes at once.
I call a narcissist's faces "masks" because when you see this happen you know that's what they are. You know that what's on the face is a lie. It's the Big Chill.
A stunning revelation. The narcissist's very face is a lie about what is really going on in the darkness behind that mask.
narcissistic personality disorder narcissism