Sunday, November 25, 2007

Narcissistic Projection

Hypocrites are for looks only. They think a thing ain't wrong if they get away with it. In other words, they confuse appearances with reality. Consequently, they have no conscience — just an unconscience. That is, they repress their conscience. Hence, what they do in the dark is shockingly different than what they do in the light of day.

These are the people who put make-up on their image too thick in spots — right where the blemishes in their character are. Since it's all about their image, as Hamlet's mother said, they view sin as some kind of taint instead of as moral illness, or spiritual dis-ease. This is what gives them the notion that it can be "washed away" or smeared off. No wonder that, to get rid of it, they project instead of repent.

So, narcissists are by no means alone in accusing others so as to project their own flaws off onto a scapegoat. It's just that they invest so much energy in doing it. They are fixated on their image to the point that it is uppermost in their mind 100% of the time. It's impossible to overemphasize that.

In contrast, normal people project only when on the defensive. And then they're likely to shake themselves off on whoever happens to be near at the moment. So, their aim is poor, and sometimes they project a flaw off onto someone who actually has it. But a narcissist's aim is impeccable. For example, whom does he call a liar? The most honest person around. Who does he say is dangerous? The savior of the group. Every single time. His talent for farce is so great that you could mistake him for astute.

Also, normal people have normal, human and loving relationships. So they don't smear themselves off on just anyone. They wouldn't dream of harming those near and dear. And they stick to slander (which has at least some degree of truth in it), rarely engaging in calumny (lies). When they do calumniate someone, he or she is an enemy. Even then they don't go hog-wild and calumniate someone so badly and so widely as to destroy them and ruin their lives.

Not so with the narcissist. He is a mental child with no sense of measure or moderation. So, he is more dangerous with his mouth than an angry five-year-old is with an AK-47. He will say anything — ANYTHING — about you as lightly as one would brush a crumb from his sleeve. He loves only himself. He has no normal human relationships. He relates to people as objects. So he will smear himself off on his own children as thoughtlessly as we smear ourselves off on a towel.

In fact, he is most likely to smear off on someone he owes gratitude, because needing help damages his image. So he repays help as though it were an insult. He must devalue it by devaluing the giver of it, as if such a contemptible person is incapable of really helping someone as grand as he.

Since he is a mental little child, the only reign on a narcissist's behavior is what he feels he can get away with. So, the more he gets away with, the more repressed guilt he has to purge himself of.

It's a vicious cycle that he plays the hampster in all his life.

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At 1:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

when im reading (whatever resource), i have numerous "aha" moments- that means when something registers as clear or "thats what you call it" or "oh, i get it!" but now whats happening more is when i read something thats "too real" or TOO close to home that hurts too much i kind of zone out and cant pay too much attention--and have to go back to reread it later.
kathy- your comprehension of this subject is impressive. your observations are the ones i have witnessed but never knew what to call it. the effects are insidious. and the subject of projection is both fascinating and nauseating to me at this stage. what a number mine was able to do on me.i feel like im going through a very unpleasant detox. thanks for your dedication to providing info on narcissism and for maintaining this site.jt

At 9:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

interesting- that the day after i typed this i went to a alanon mtg and the topic of projection came up. i said something during my turn and the next person actually asked me to speak on projection more ! i heard myself say that you need to read some "intro type" information on it first and then when you start to understand it a little that you can read more heavy duty info on it because it is very complex and weird and insidious and it takes a while to really get your head around it (as pertained to living with a person with a personality disorder.) i mean a lot of people get it on a simple or day to day type basis or example. but to LIVE with it day in and day out i think is a little different. i just feel like im reeling lately. i thought i was avoiding my N well enough- i dont know if he 'came and "got" me' or if i 'slipped' back into his trap by something i changed. maybe i started to pay more attention to him. or maybe he has morphed again and i SHOULD have and did notice. i wish i knew. EITHER WAY- getting too close to a N makes us sick too!!!i hate that im back in the game with him again. they are so frickin' crafty. i gotta stay calm and be in observer mode (watch your back mode sounds too paranoid) but i can tell my radar is going off and its making me edgy. somethins up with him- i just dont know what-yet. god i hate this !!!jt

At 10:56 PM, Blogger Soni Cido said...

To the Author.
Well, I'd say you are an expert. I have NOT gotten any positive input from counselors or psychologists about these people (N's). A nurse friend of mine is the first person to point out what I am dealing with, and she would not be considered an expert either! what a shame! Five years ago I went to a psychiatrist because I thought I was going crazy-he wanted to prescribe me DRUGS to deal with the life that my N is causing me! HE DID NOT EVEN open my eyes as you have.
I'd say, you not only deserve recognition for your insight, but also a trophy. I am going to purchase your book as soon as I'm finished with Christmas! Actually, it will be my gift to ME.
Thank you!

At 11:00 PM, Blogger Soni Cido said...

Oh, and to Anonymous...
I was actually accused by a local pastor a few weeks ago of being "paranoid" when I told him that I did not want to attend his church, because my N has invaded three other local churches that I was either attending, or thinking of attending (I'd mentioned it to the kids and he made sure he "got in" with the congregation right away).
When it comes to an N, there is no such thing as being paranoid, it is CAUTION all the way. "Wise as a serpent (constantly looking for danger), gentle as a dove (fly away fast mode if needed)".
Do NOT ever feel paranoid in your self preservation efforts. Feel wise. YOU ARE WISER than the N, because you are seeking signs and he has no clue that you are-confuse him by not being available for his attacks. ;)


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