Some years back, Dr. Robert Hare prepared a program for treating psychopaths in Canadian prisons, a program based solely on positive and negative reinforcement. But a left wing government put a stop to that heresy before the program began.
I think that's the only possible solution. One that should be tried. Narcissists are functioning at that level. The level of a three-year-old. And that's how you discipline a three-year-old.
In fact, that's how you train a dog. You don't moralize with him. You don't explore his feelings with him. You face the fact that he is operating in a different mode, where whatever works is what he does, period. He's a DOG, for cryin' out loud, don't anthropomorphize him!
So, don't yell at him not to pester you for attention. For, that is giving him attention. And if it's the best he thinks he can get, he'll take it and pester your for more.
Clue: IGNORING him for pestering you will work much, much better.
Simple positive and negative reinforcement.
Every time narcissists step out of line, whack them. It's as simple as that. Narcissists can control their feelings no better than we can. But, like us, they prove every day that they can and do control their conduct. If they fear adverse consequences for stealing, abusing, lying or whatever, they refrain from doing it. So, make sure there are adverse consequences.
Nothing will change overnight. But there would come a day when they have abstained from bad behavior long enough that they are no longer "a person who does that." That's redemption. It's been so long since they molested a child that they are no longer a person who molests children. It's been so long since he beat his wife that he is no longer a person who beats his wife. Redemption.
That banishes the Demon at the Door. It has a tremendous effect in reducing his level of repressed shame for what he is. 'Er, WAS, I mean.
That denied shame is what drove him to his bad behavior. He is a slave to it. He must be freed before anything good can happen.
That is why I think simple, strict, swift punishment for every bad deed is the only possible solution. We can't say that we are really trying to help narcissists if we can't say that we are giving this idea a shot to see if it works.
But that's "tough love" and no way to put on a grand show of being kind. I fear that there are too many hypocrites out there campaigning for an "Aren't I nice?" award, who don't care at all about really helping narcissists or their victims.
narcissistic personality disorder narcissism