Every so often I get a comment here or an email in which someone tells me that this site has comforted as well as informed them. That it helped them deal with the chief effect of narcissistic abuse -- thinking badly of themselves and blaming themselves = thinking there's something wrong with THEM -- that it thus helped them regain their self respect.
What is that, if not HEALING? Notice that it has nothing to do with forgiving the narcissist. Instead, it has everything to do with morally getting back to your feet from your knees.
It is seeing that YOU are not the flawed one. That you have just been brainwashed by a mentally disordered person into thinking you are. That it was your GOOD personal qualities he or she exploited to hurt you with. It is seeing that your reactions to narcissistic abuse are normal. That your feelings aren't sins. And yes, it's also wising up and facing facts. But mainly it's about repairing your damaged relationship with YOURSELF.
I want to make sure everyone who has told me they have been helped to regain their self esteem knows how much I appreciate that.
Also I want you all to know that helping others thus heal helps ME heal. Yes! That has been an unexepected dividend of this Website.
In fact, I dare say that nothing is better for the victims of narcissists than comforting other victims, than reaching down as someone who's been there and helping that person back to their feet. By showing that abused man, woman, or child that they matter, that their abuse matters, that it isn't nothing, and that they aren't nothing. That they should get up off their knees and stand up straight because they deserve respect.
I'll go further: I think healing, like love, is something you have to give away to get . . . that healing has nothing to do with forgiving the offender and that it has everything to do with helping others heal.
That's just a tip. So, when you can comfort some other victim of abuse by listening, understanding, sharing and explaining some things, DO. Comfort. You'll be glad you did. It pays back in spades.