Victimhood
As you can see, I call the victim of abuse the "victim." And I don't blame the victim. Narcissistic abuse is predation. The target is not someone the narcissist has anything against. To the contrary, the targeted victim is always someone who deserves the EXACT OPPOSITE of abuse. There is no provocation. The trigger is simply the sight of a vulnerable target of opportunity. In short, this is malicious predation.
Therefore, as imperfect as the victim may be, the victim's faults and failings are irrelevant. The victim is 100% innocent, and the narcissist is 100% to blame.
That's why you call the victim a "victim," because he or she has been victimized.
I have shown how the old "martyr complex" has nothing to do with narcissistic abuse.
But let's balance the emphasis. You were a victim yesterday. If you are reading this blog you have probably faced that fact.
Do you like being a victim? Then stop being a victim. Not in every case, but in most cases, you can.
It's usually a step-by-step process. Maybe today you change the locks on your doors. Tomorrow you find a different job. And so on. Let not a day pass but what you do something to escape victimhood.
You are sad. You are angry. These feelings are not character flaws or sins. They are natural reactions that Nature has instilled us with to MOTIVATE us. So, don't repress these feelings. Let them motivate you. (Don't let these emotions do your thinking for you though.)
If you repress these feelings, that sadness and anger will turn inward to depression, a state in which you feel helpless and doomed to victimhood. Don't go there.
This is why it is so important not to let the holier-than-thou crowd beat you down into docile submission with their condemnation of everything you might do to protect yourself, fight back, get away, or take back what the narcissist stole. By doing so they are morally bludgeoning you down into a state of victimhood. Tell them to take a flying you-know-what at the you-know-what.
You cannot make your life better until you stop being a victim.
Only then will you be able to learn the lessons victimization teaches, so that you are never again easy prey.
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4 comments
4 Comments:
There is NO SHAME in being a victim. Only if you WILLFULLY REMAIN a victim.
EXCELLENT POST Kathy!!!
This one from my personal blog might interest you.
Mr. Bush is a human being, not an animal. Jews should be the first people to know how wrong it is to depict human beings as animals. The Christians of Europe spent a 1,000 years doing that to dehumanize the image of the Jew and prime the mind of the average European Christian to periodically purge Jews. Hitler ran a dehumanizing campaign to make the people of Germany view Jews as subhuman, and we all know the result. Now Islamic extremists do the same thing, and again we know the result.
So to see JEWS doing the same thing to others makes me throw up my arms in despair!
Narcissists and psychopaths objectify and dehumanize their victims too.
It is wrong. Very wrong, and I condemn it.
Once you vanadalize the image of someone or some group as subhuman, you make people lose empathy for them. Suddenly, decency goes out the window and people feel free to to do anything - ANYTHING - to the dehumanized because they no longer are viewed as deserving of human treatment.
Mr. Bush, like every other human being on the planet deserves to be treated like a human being. I see red when I see him depicted as a chimpanzee. I want to scream when I see him depicted that way by people who complain about the Arab press depciting THEM as chimpanzees. What a double standard.
And I have been watching the President on C-SPAN, both in Isreal and in the Palestinian terretory. So I have seen the source films - I am not mislead by activist widgets. The "Bush Brands Israel at the Agressor" is bunk. It lifts a fragment of a sentence out of context and never does get around to citing a source.
Let's make something out of nothing just by shrieking it: "For example, he said. 'The point of departure for permanent status negotiations...seems clear: There should be an end to the occupation that began in 1967.'"
Just what the hell is so terrible about that? Prime Minister Olmert himself wouldn't disagree! And what about the part snipped from the middle of the quote? Where's the whole article? Nowhere.
Prime Minister Olmert, standing next to the President, assured the Israeli people that Islreal intends to keep Jerusalem. The President had no comment. President Abbas, standing next to President Bush, assured the Palestinian people that they intend to have Jerusalem. President Bush said nothing.
He simply instists that they settle the issue. And upon arriving in Israel and being asked what HE was going to do about the rocket attacks from Gaza, the President replied that on arriving in Ramallah the first thing he was going to do was ask Abbas what HE was going to do about them. And he promised that the second thing he was going to say is, "And how can we help you?"
How's that for moral clarity through the mud?
It is plain to see that in both countries you have factions that think it's all about winning the argument, not about peace. And that is why most Americans don't care anymore. Most Americans think it will never end and are running low on sympathy for both sides.
The President has said that what is needed is agreement on what a Palestinian State will be like - a vision. Something the Palestinian people can picture. Then Abbas can hold up this picture to them and ask them to choose between it and the continued misery Hamas offers.
It takes no rocket scientist to know what they will choose.
An intact home. A job. An income. A safe neighborhood. No armed thugs around. No need for checkpoints. Open schools for their children. Freedom. Freedom for women to uncover their heads if they choose. Freedom to be clean shaven if they choose. The list goes on and on.
What will they choose, duh?
Presumably, this is why both Olmert and Abbas clearly think this simple idea (that we should have thought of long ago) is a brilliant idea. President Bush is the one who realized that the Palestinian people have known nothing but the status quo for so long that they don't know what's at stake. Solution: show them.
Either Israel or the Palestians or both will have to give on the Jerusalem issue. That's THEIR problem, not ours. I am sick of America being the scapegoat for all their failures. We are not to blame for what happens to Jerusalem. That's up to Israel and the Palestinians.
What means more to them? Thumping their chests as the winner who didn't give an inch on the issue? Or peace and prosperity? That's what we Americans want to know.
We have never wavered in our promise to come to Israel's rescue if it is ever about to overwhelmed because the Arab nations gang up on it again and try to drive it into the sea. That promise put a stop to those gang-up wars. That promise is a huge promise that once brought the nuclear arsenals of the US and the Soviet Union to high alert.
And this is the payback the American president gets for it?
Fortunately, not for a minute do I think the majority of Israelis feel that way.
Yes! While waiting for that blog to appear, I was shocked at what I found in the sidebar.
I too have been following these events on a reliable source, C-SPAN. But when I saw what this "One Jerusalem" crowd has made of them I had to pinch to myself. IT'S PURE FICTION! Mr. Bush has said nothing of the sort.
In fact, they appear to have gone out of their way to depict him as ironically as possible. The last thing you could say is that he is interfering in the domestic politics of either Israel or Palestinian territory. In fact, he constantly has to refuse to do so!
What are these people trying to do?
Derail the peace process, that's what.
And then blame President Bush. Evil President Bush is hurting Israel. Gag me with a spoon.
I'm shocked. I thought it was it was only elements on the Palestinian side who created an uproar every time there was danger of peace.
Only dirt is sacred to obstructionists on both sides, far more sacred than any number of human lives, any amount of human suffering. How much do you want to bet that they live here or in safe parts of Israel? In other words, how much do you want to bet that it's other people's continued misery that they want just so they have their way about a few square miles of ground? They are no better than their obdurate counterparts on the other side.
Is compromise a foreign concept in that part of the world?
This should be our last effort. If the Israelis and Palestinians don't take advantage of it, to H with the whole mess.
I agree with the anonymous commenters. President Bush says that the Israelis and Palenstinian Authority must sit down and settle the hard issues, like Jerusalem, so that the Israelis and Palestinans can see what the new world will be like. Where the borders will be. What the system of government will be like. What the economy will be like. A world without checkpoints. A world without Islamist thugs parading around like studs with their assault rifles, bullying everyone in sight.
The only position stands he has are that roadmap obligations already agreed to be carried by BOTH sides. That means Israel gets rid of the illegal settlments, and the Palestinian Authority takes control of the country to stop Hamas from attacking Israel. Now. Both sides must keep those promises NOW.
No more of this "We won't keep our promises until they keep theirs" crap.
As for undecided issuses, like old heavilly populated settlments and Jerusalem, President Bush has taken no stand. He says over and over again that these are matters to be decided by the Israelis and the Palestinians.
Sounds pretty reasonable and fair to me. He no sooner send Isreal $30 billion and gets paid back with this kind of treatment? Let both the Israelis and Palestinains find a new scapegoat. I want to see America quit this exercise in futility.
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