As you can see, I call the victim of abuse the "victim." And I don't blame the victim. Narcissistic abuse is predation. The target is not someone the narcissist has anything against. To the contrary, the targeted victim is always someone who deserves the EXACT OPPOSITE of abuse. There is no provocation. The trigger is simply the sight of a vulnerable target of opportunity. In short, this is malicious predation.
Therefore, as imperfect as the victim may be, the victim's faults and failings are irrelevant. The victim is 100% innocent, and the narcissist is 100% to blame.
That's why you call the victim a "victim," because he or she has been victimized.
I have shown how the old "martyr complex" has nothing to do with narcissistic abuse.
But let's balance the emphasis. You were a victim yesterday. If you are reading this blog you have probably faced that fact.
Do you like being a victim? Then stop being a victim. Not in every case, but in most cases, you can.
It's usually a step-by-step process. Maybe today you change the locks on your doors. Tomorrow you find a different job. And so on. Let not a day pass but what you do something to escape victimhood.
You are sad. You are angry. These feelings are not character flaws or sins. They are natural reactions that Nature has instilled us with to MOTIVATE us. So, don't repress these feelings. Let them motivate you. (Don't let these emotions do your thinking for you though.)
If you repress these feelings, that sadness and anger will turn inward to depression, a state in which you feel helpless and doomed to victimhood. Don't go there.
This is why it is so important not to let the holier-than-thou crowd beat you down into docile submission with their condemnation of everything you might do to protect yourself, fight back, get away, or take back what the narcissist stole. By doing so they are morally bludgeoning you down into a state of victimhood. Tell them to take a flying you-know-what at the you-know-what.
You cannot make your life better until you stop being a victim.
Only then will you be able to learn the lessons victimization teaches, so that you are never again easy prey.
narcissistic personality disorder narcissism